Most of you know that I don't make much of an issue out of my age (I'll be 60 in April) or the fact that I'm not the pretty young thing of my youth (I'd say until I hit about 40?), but I'm finally at the point where if someone is going to claim they are speaking to ME as a middle aged woman who is NOT a model, they really should try to use age appropriate photos so as not to send me over the edge like this one did: 

I tried to let it go unnoticed, really I did, because it was in one of the fairly reliable, interesting, and as they say, "trusted" sources for menopause information, but my eyes kept going back to the smooth face on this lovely girl, the smokey, sultry eyes and that sunlit, slightly tossled mane of blond hair. I've got to be honest, I have no idea what is in the rest of the email. This really deflated my energy level today for some reason.

After nearly 11 years of running my website, I'm fully aware that the woman in the picture could very well be suffering with symptoms of peri-menopause and her looks have nothing to do with the need for information, but how do we get it through to these people who are trying to sell us something that we need to feel represented, understood and taken seriously. I may be wrong, but what do you want to bet that it's a man who put this particular email together? I really doubt if it was a woman, or if it was, it was a young woman who probably thought "this woman looks like she's wondering why she pee'd her pants as she was getting down off her horse." I just want to have the opportunity to review a product or information that is truly made for my benefit without feeling like whoever is pushing this or that, assumes they know what I need or want. And trust me, there are millions of women who feel the same as I do. Read responses below......

Dear Minnie,

Not sure if you see the same thing I do, but I am 49, pushing 50 and she doesnt look any younger than I do.  I guess I've been as blessed as her and hopefully many women follow suit.  I do not know the complete ad, since I am not able to read the content.  Can you share the product so I can see the picture more clearly.  I am sorry if you feel this is wrong, but I was not offended. Theresa
NOTE FROM DEE: The picture was not for a particular product. It was an email to a site for menopause information.

I'm surprised that you were able to hold your tongue this long - because I know this can't be the only ad like this!
And as a young woman(under 40) that is already on the menopause train - I have really found your letter rewarding and informative. Jerusha PS - My husband has also appreciated that this is not an uncommon occurance and he doesn't have to have me hospitalized (yet)!!

I say Amen to that!  When I look at that ad, I say "they don't know what they are talking about."
I feel the same about catalogs I get in the mail for "women's" size clothing, but the models are, at most, a size 12.  I toss them as quickly as I can.  Keep up the good work, Dee.  I look forward to your monthly emails. Laura E

I saw that picture and she looks like one of the chearleader moms in my son's high school.  I hate to say that it kills me to see that and find out she has three children ages 16, 12, and 4.  And she is my age.  uhg... Beautiful as she is, she is the exception. We are all beautiful but more normal looking.  I agree, ads need to reflect real women. I remember when I was a model and literally starved myself down to a size 6 and was still deamed "Too fat" for the diamond and fur show at the mall.  A shopping mall in Flint Michigan - it wasn't even Rodeo Drive.  sigh! anyway, Modeling days over - size 6 a long distance memory, I worked in at a magazine once and found out that they airbrused their cover girls! wow.  Now they "photoshop" them.  I agree with your point. I'd look at that picture, feel worse than I do and ignore the ad.  Deana O

You are "spot on".  They're really still selling "beauty" and I'm sorry, but most of us are not beauty queens, never have been and never will. But are we that old and ugly that we can't have someone that represents us?  Middle-aged, nicely dressed women? Unless we vote with our pockets and not purchase or participate in products that are advertised in this manner, it will never stop.  We should not be at the "invisible age" because we're the people with money--we have the purchasing power.  I guess the best question would be, How do we organize and fight back at this? Jane A

AMEN!!!  I'm also tired of those anti-aging products with 25 year old women who wouldn't know a wrinkle if they tripped over it!!  I didn't live to be middle aged without something to show for it, dammit! Martha in NY

Dear Minnie, I'm only 44 and am experiencing perimenopause but I too agree with you wholeheartedly! that woman's photo looks like it should be on an ad for depression! they need to choose a photo of an older, wiser looking confident looking woman, to say "hey I've gone through a lot in my life but I am confident that I am able to go through menopause with gratitude and my sanity!" anyway, I am having hot flashes off and on not every day but every couple of days and it's not fun! but at least its' bearable. I like your newsletter! Sincerely, Lisa S

I also wonder why I keep getting catalogs advertising walkers and orthopedic shoes models by women in their 20's.  And catalogs for plus-sized clothing modeled by skinny girls that just might be anorexic. Pat L, age 60

I too will be 60, (on Monday as a matter of fact). I am soooo tired of those same ads. Thank you Cheryl Ladd for getting all primped up and going on TV to talk about Menopause. You look 25 and don’t have a wrinkle on your face. They should do those ads while they are having a hot flash, or a bad hair day, or a pimple on their face, oh and how about an age spot or two. Let’s get real America, Menopause is “real”, not Hollywood induced, air brushed, or plastic surgery driven……OK, I feel better!!!!!  Connie G

Dee, she looks like a kid, for crying out loud!  A few years ago, I would have probably agreed with you that the culprit putting this AD together was most likely a male, but during my menopause, which started when I was 50, (I am post now and 60), I went to a female GYN and complained to her about my sleeping problem that I was experiencing throughout my menopause. I took natural products,  which helped the hot flashes, (hardly got them).  She actually told me, and this is the truth, that I should get some counseling. Imagine being told that it’s all in your head?  She was my age and a GYN and FEMALE, to boot!!!  Needless to say, I dropped her like a hotcake!  Either way, I do, indeed, agree with you that we need to FEEL represented, UNDERSTOOD, and taken VERY SERIOUSLY!!! The last thing I want is someone ASSUMING they know what I need or want. I’m in total agreement with you there, lady!! Love you website, by the way!  Patricia

Dear Dee, How I agree with you it's so depressing. While I accept that lovely young things are used to promote/sell everything from bras to cars I do object strongly when it is anything to do with the menopause. It's bad enough when a 'model' who looks no more than 26 is used to advertise 'anti-aging creams'!! Wish advertisers would give us middle aged something's a break and treat us with some intelligence and respect. Keep up the good work :-)  Pam

Dearest Dee,
Thank you! For though I wish I looked like the paid model in the ad….the reality is, I am a REAL, 52 year old, over weight, starting to bald, American woman, and I DAILY find myself picking up so many negative impulses from the darn MARKETING oriented world around me. I am a professional, but because I no longer meet the boundaries of the demographic group who impulse spend, I am informed in every subliminal way, I don’t count! Not only are my needs relegated to the, back of the bus, farther down the food chain, marketing rhetoric, NOT meeting those false standards place me as “less valuable” to the shallow souls making the hiring decisions today. Experience and talent count for very little when stacked up against cheap and cute! That companies who want my business chose to make those types of choices to represent ME in their marketing materials leads me to ask what other product options DO I have. I want my hard earned money to support companies and products that represent and appreciate the real me. Well, thank you for the soap box! Keep it coming!  Carla

One word …AMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Mary

I feel exactly the same way. I wish that magazines would get real in the representation of us "menopausers".  There's a magazine that I love that for women 40 and older, but the 'models' look nothing like most of the women my age do - the ones that I know. I'm fifty and feel better than I have in my whole life, but I DO look 50 and that's ok.  Thanks for bringing up a problem that DOES get on my nerves! Deborah

Amen, aren't you just sick of this.  Show us real people for a real problem. Barbara R.

I agree wholeheartedly.    It seems as though once a woman passes 40, they consider her to be "long in the tooth".   It seems as though a man can date someone 30 years his junior and everyone thinks it is so great, he's got himself a "young hottie".   Well, you know what I think...  If a man dates someone who is light years younger than he is, he's just a pedophile in disguise.   There is no way I would even consider (I'm 64) dating anyone who is younger than me, 10 years or more. Right now I am co habiting with a man who is 7 years my junior and sometimes it's all I can do to keep from cheerfully choking him and saying you young idiot, what were you thinking? Elsie C

I agree!!!! My marketing consultant tried to get me to put this girl on our website.  She’s hot, but it’s not hot flashes! Good thing I don’t use that consultant anymore. Thanks for the newsletter, Melissa F
NOTE FROM DEE: Melissa is the owner of the company that makes Verita, the hot flash spray featured in the newsletter.

I will be 56 in 4 months. I do not have hair like that model or her sultry eyes. My skin is nice. I have clear eyes, my own teeth and an extra 25 pounds (that won't go away). I eat healthy, I exercise every morning for an hour (treadmill 30 min., weights, Pilates, etc.). I drink red wine and eat dark chocolate. Those are my treats. I own my own business (29 years), have 3 grown children and a beautiful grand-daughter. I have been married for thirty-nine years to the same man! I am going through menopause for the last two years. I don't enjoy all of it, but I treat it as a right of passage. (this too will pass) I don't have a ton of money but I am comfortable. I would gladly pose for an ad for menopausal women. I am the real deal. I love being a woman; always  have, always will. I had hellish periods when I was younger. I had a partial hysterectomy about ten years ago. Best thing ever. All I have to say is don't get your tubes tied...that is a prescription for a hysterectomy and very painful periods. (NOTE FROM DEE: Just like everything else, no one has the same experience. I had my tubes tied after my 3rd child when I was 25 and I never had a hysterectomy or had painful periods. I DID have early menopause though. I was post menopausal at 42). I could go on and on and I would love to write a book about women, real women. What they think and what they really feel. Women have been very open to me. "Can we talk" to me any time.  Colleen P

Hi Dee! We fight the same battle. I so agree with you about the blond in the ad...hello? what man is doing the photo shoots. the best ads I have seen are Sally Fields for Boniva...Hope you are well! Jeanie L 
NOTE FROM DEE:  Jeanie is the creator of Menopause the Musical, the most hilarious play in decades!

Dear Dee - You are so right!!!!!  The woman in that ad must be 20 yrs old!!  And I am with you on this all the way.  I wish we could write this company and tell them what we think!!! Thanks for supporting all of us menopausal women! Johanna O

Oh my! That girl looks like she should be in a tight jeans ad.  I agree that she does nothing for our age group.  Jayne

I agree totally and it's not just menopause adds that do it.  I guess it might be possible that at age 25 she has had a total hysterectomy but that sure isn't the normal menopausal woman. Maybe just maybe I'm taking the wrong kind of medicine though...lol Another thing that peeves me is the Roman's catalog, I swear not one woman in there is over a size 10, how do I (a larger size) know what I'm going to look like in their clothes. Faith@50

Yep! You said it! I get disgusted at the sight of a beautiful young girl in ads for menopause or anti-aging products! I don't even pay attention to the rest of the ad so they're not succeeding in selling me anything! They are wasting their time and advertising dollars!! ilovetolaugh

I am 100% with you!  And while we're at it, exactly what is wrong with wrinkles, laugh lines, crow's feet, etc?  No, I'm not the young, firm-bodied woman I once was.  Why is that the only acceptable way to be?  Way too much emphasis on looks.  I know advertising tries to lure us with glamour, but that's not always the best way to go.  So keep fighting the good fight! Linda in NH

I couldn't agree with you more regarding this ad and all the others we are bombarded with on a daily basis! Thanks for speaking up. Betty M

Hi, Dee, I’d say the majority of women who have questions about menopause are in their 40’s. I remember going to a presentation about menopause in my early 40’s because I wanted to know what was ahead of me.   I started having perimenopause symptoms in my mid-40’s….and had them for almost 10 years before actual menopause finally happened shortly before turning 56. I’m now 59 (as of July 27), and this is an UNRETOUCHED photo taken of me 2 months ago. (I lost weight and my hair grew since we met in NYC). I’d say the woman in the photo, although her blonde tousled locks look glamorous, looks to be early to mid 40’s, albeit in good shape.  Those of us who never smoked don’t age as quickly, and some are just blessed with good genes. And how someone looks on the outside doesn’t tell the whole story.  I look healthy on the surface, sure…but I have severe arthritis in my hands (can’t close my fingers, and they are badly deformed), had a total hip replacement* in May 2006 which made my operated leg ¾-inch longer than my other leg and caused my spine to twist trying to compensate, had a total hysterectomy* last April, and am in constant chronic pain requiring narcotic painkillers 24/7.  I have tremendous difficulty walking.  I’m going for a thorough pelvic MRI this week because my pain is getting worse. Don’t let that glam photo in the ad bend you out of shape…you are a beautiful person who is doing a great service for so many women, and I find you awesome! Love, Rachel
 

Write on!!!  Hinda

Dee, You are right! It really makes sense to talk to people who actually know about the experience - mid-life women who are going through menopause and living with the hot-flashes, memory lapses, etc. - and presenting real-life models who reflect that. Thanks for your news letter - it's great. Gloria

I am in total agreement with you! Shelley K

I agree with you.  I want ads that are real not some extremely young woman that is supposed to be representing the menopausal woman!!  I guess the ad companies are hoping that we'll look at the ad because of the 'pretty woman' and we'll feel all young again.  But when I'm screaming like a banshee, burning up and pouring sweat, and changing clothes for the umpteenth time, it ain't happening!!  Keep advertising real.  Linda

Hi Dee, You are so right.  I do get sick and tired of all these gorgeous models advertising menopausal aids.  As if they are concerned about what we are going through. Vicki

When I receive e-articles claiming to be "for" me but bearing the likeness of someone my kids' age (or younger) I just assume it to be spam and mark it as such.  Clearly, the sender knows nothing about me! Penny (60 in February), Baltimore

I hear you. Denise

I'd say IF this model is really going through menopause, the poor thing must have had a hysterectomy, or she'll be in the next Guiness Book of World Records for being the first menopausal 16-year-old!  Are we supposed to believe that this company's product will take away all symptoms of menopause AND make us look 30 years younger too?! She really does look like she could be wondering why she peed her pants! I agree with you--if a company has a good product, put the models in a closet (or somewhere). What menopausal woman wants to look at pictures of a beautiful young woman when all they feel is old and ugly!  Give us the facts!  If the product will stop hot flashes, weight gain, emotional tidal waves, and vaginal dryness send me a case! PW

This photo is a farce. It wants you to believe this is the way everyone looks. Why can't they be realistic? Mary C

Dee, I could not agree with you more! It is not just in advertising either. I was recently pondering some of the new television programs like "Cane" and how they portray what are supposed to be middle-aged women. All of the parts are played by 30-somethings who look like models and are supposed to be the mothers of grown children. No one is one pound overweight, has one gray hair, or one wrinkle. I would really appreciate the media in general actually reflecting what real people look like, think, and feel. Does everyone demand to see nothing but beautiful people on television, in the women's magazines, and everywhere the human image is being portrayed? I don't think so. As you pointed out, it is extremely demoralizing to say the very least. If everything is supposed to be about self confidence, and as Oprah would say, "getting in touch with your spirit," they are not doing anyone any favors.  Barb

I RESENT THE FACT THAT I HAVE TO LOOK AT PICTURES OF ACTRESSES/MODELS WITH THE PERFECT SKIN, PERFECT HAIR, SKINNY AND PICTURE OF HEALTH. AND HERE I AM THINNING HAIR, BLOTCHY SKIN, 30 POUNDS HEAVIER AND HOT FLASHES THAT TURN ME BEET RED. NOTHING THEY COULD TRY TO SELL ME WOULD MAKE ME LOOK LIKE THAT. AND I DON'T WANT TO FEEL BAD BECAUSE IT WON'T. WE MAY BE IN MENOPAUSE BUT WE ARE NOT STUPID! CINDI O

Okay, I understand the idea of being realistic in advertising.  I also can relate to the picture,  I have been menopausal for 10 years and am now 49.  I had a hysterectomy at 39 and had peri-menopausal episodes for at least 10 years prior to my surgery.  As you can see from my picture I look okay for a 49 year old woman. Sherry (with granddaughter)

Ads have almost always been targeted at the beautiful and thin.. I'm neither.. they haven't represented me in years, so now that I am in the 'menopause generation' the continuing misrepresentation doesn't suprise me at all... and to make it worse I am a part of the LARGEST TARGET AUDIENCE that consumer goods are being sold to... WAKE UP MANUFACTURERS!!!! Make your marketing department accountable and you might just see your profits increase even more!  Judy

Right on!!!!!!  I couldn’t agree more. Brenda B

I love it!  Thank you for bringing attention to the advertising schemes out there for products being marketed to those over 55-60 that "remove wrinkles, cellulite, brown spots, fat, etc.  I always laugh because the models they use don't seem to have any of those things.  I for one don't buy those products because it hasn't been proven to me that they really will work on those of us who do have them.  I guess enough people are buying into it to continue to pay for the commercials.....Thanks,  I love your e-newsletter and appreciate being able to receive it. Judy S