I have read your page for men and found the story about Joseph Schroeder 
 to be just like my case.  My wife (we have been married for 30 years and she is 51)started a few years ago and things have only gotten worse. Just like Joe, I find avoidance the best tactic.  She has even said she wants to leave my daughter and I
 "I just can't take this any more." When I ask what it is that she can't take she says its me. She has every symtom in the book, has quit cooking,cleaning, and normal life as we know it.  She is always sleeping, never spends time with my daughter or me and is occasionally nasty to either of us. 

I have spent a fortune on counseling and have spent hours with my minister. She has stopped going because "they don't know what is going on". As soon as either mentioned that she may be going through something she quit.  Without going into all the details let me just say I have been a good provider, husband, and father to two grown boys and a 17 year old daughter. I'm not perfect but if you listen to her right now she will say she has never been happy.

I need help.  I'm ready to open the door and push her out - - I'm certainly not going to leave. I would like to talk to some others who know what I'm going through.  I have even thought of looking for someone to have an affair with because sex is a forgotten topic. I would like to hear your opinion and suggestions.

Thanks, Anonymous Husband

Hi there....I'm sitting here kind of stunned after receiving your letter. My heart goes out to both of you because I understand what you're going through and there's no simple resolution other than time, patience and education. There are no guarantees either, so I can't make any promises that things will get better.......there may be some tough decisions ahead. But after 30 years together, I'd like to believe there is hope.

Explaining what your wife is going through would be like trying to explain what it feels like to give birth. It's even hard for some women to explain to each other because the symptoms can be so different. My first suggestion would be that your wife should talk to other women (like on a message board online). With counselors, spouses, clergymen and doctors, we just "know" they don't understand. We know there's no way they could possibly know what it's like when your hormones fluctuate so badly that you don't even recognize your body or your mind anymore. But the relief of hearing (well, reading) other women who are going through the exact same thing......THAT'S understanding! That seems to be when women can finally get a grip on what's going on. They see they're not alone, they're not crazy and that there ARE
some things they can do to get their life under control again. Sometimes this means things will never be the same, like I said, there are no guarantees, but a lot of the time, it's so much better than before.

It sounds like you are really trying to understand and to find solutions, but your wife needs to talk to other women. Most find it easier online at first, because they can read only until some of the info starts "hitting home" and then they finally feel comfortable about opening up to others. Once they do that, they're usually more aware of what they've been feeling, whether it's the confusion, depression, or just the unexplaineable........sometimes it's an overwhelming fear or some very real physical problems.

Getting through all this is like learning about life all over again and is accomplished by putting one foot in front of the other and having faith that it's going to be ok.......it's going to be difficult at times, but you just have to keep learning and adjusting and trying.

I don't know if my cartoons would help......I've received so many emails saying the humor is what broke the ice for many women, so it's worth a try. 

I hope something I've said is encouraging........hang in there, you're not alone either!
Please let me know how things turn out.
Sincerely,
Minnie