Hubby thinks I'm losing my marbles

For those of you who are just beginning this wonderful process, here we can narrow down the symptoms and ask questions like "am I starting perimenopause?"

Hubby thinks I'm losing my marbles

Postby Pauseatively Miserable » Tue Sep 20, 2005 3:38 pm

:oops:
Hello everyone. First time on here so forgive me if I ramble on. My husband has been complaining for a couple of years now that he thinks "I'm changing", he thinks I don't love him anymore and something is "wrong" with me. I've finally discovered what I think it is, yes you guessed it, peri-menopause. I'm 41 and have been experiencing increasing symptoms but just recently realized how much of what I am feeling relates to menopause. I still have some questions (LOTS of questions). I have most of the symptoms listed on this site, however I don't know if all I'm feeling is because of peri-menopause, or if I'm just using it as an excuse for how I feel. I know that decreased libido is a symptom. My big question (for now) is, there are things that I used to like sexually, but now they bother me. One example, my breasts are ultra sensitive but not in a good way. It's really irritating when my husband wants to touch them (which is all the time) and he accuses me of not loving him anymore because I'm always moving his hands and telling him that doesn't feel good, do it this way. It's not just the breasts, and it's not just sexually. Most of the time when he touches me he either tickles me or it hurts. Does the body change THAT much? Could someone please tell me if this is normal for peri-menopause or is this really something else?
The older I get, the less I know.
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Postby colopam » Tue Sep 20, 2005 11:31 pm

Hey PM!
I feel your pain (literally), I kind of think at least for me that it's partly that at times EVERYTHING seems to irritate me and of course since my spouse is closest to me he gets the brunt of my b----ing. I do try to apologize, and he is tolerant and I'm glad I can realize when this happens. I don't know what else to say but maybe print out the 35 sypmtoms and go over them with him, there's also a section on this wonderful site for the men in our lives, give it a look. In the meantime I'm gonna have some chocolate chip cookies some milk and a healthy dose of Nyquil (suffering from a miserable cold, not fair with it being 90 out, 1st one in 5 yrs!)
Hugs Pam
It's never too late for a happy childhood!!
The more you live, the less you die!!
Well behaved women rarely make history.
DB: 1958
peri/hypothyroid/fibroids(myomectomy)
Pam
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Postby drjudy » Wed Sep 21, 2005 7:16 pm

What a difficult symptom to deal with--hypersensitive skin--especially with a partner inclined to take it personally. Changes in hormones can definitely affect skin sensation, and the high estrogen levels of early perimenopause can make you want to wear a bra emblazoned with "Hands off!"

I have heard these complaints before from others. I don't really have a good solution for you. These symptoms aren't caused by anxiety or insomnia, but if you are dealing with either of those things as you struggle through this time of your life, they would certainly make the situation worse. I wonder if a medication called Neurontin (generic name gabapentin) might help--it works to soothe irritated nerves in conditions like shingles, and also levels mood, decreases anxiety, promotes sleep, AND helps hot flashes. Discuss this with your doctor as a possible way to take the edge off these feelings.

I hope your husband can find a little more patience and tolerance. If he continues to touch you in ways that you have asked him to avoid, that is a little bit provocative and abusive. Would it be helpful to have him accompany you to doctor appointment to discuss these matters?

Good luck,
Judy
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Thank you sooooo much!

Postby Pauseatively Miserable » Thu Sep 22, 2005 9:06 am

:D Dr. Judy:
Thank you so much for your reply. I feel so much better now. I have not heard of anyone else making this complaint and I was beginning to worry if it was all in my head. My husband is the kindest person you could ever meet and very sensitive, however sometimes I feel that may not always be a good thing. He takes things very personal sometimes, even when he shouldn't like now. He thinks my feelings for him are changing and I can't make him understand that is NOT the case at all. You have relieved my mind more than I can tell you and I will definitely check out your advise for medication asap.

tls
The older I get, the less I know.
Pauseatively Miserable
 
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Joined: Tue Sep 20, 2005 12:48 pm
Location: Uvalde, TX

Thanks Pam

Postby Pauseatively Miserable » Thu Sep 22, 2005 9:10 am

:) Thank you for responding Pam. I need all the help and advise I can get. It's nice to know this message board is here and I'm not the only one going through this. Unfortunately the old misery loves company is alive and well.

tls
The older I get, the less I know.
Pauseatively Miserable
 
Posts: 4
Joined: Tue Sep 20, 2005 12:48 pm
Location: Uvalde, TX

Postby minniepauz » Thu Sep 22, 2005 9:28 am

You might also find some information for your husband to tap into and feel supported on my page for men: http://www.minniepauz.com/male-menopause.html There's a book called Double Menopause on that page that might help him too and the author is available to answer questions on this board if you want.

There's just so much involved with this time of life and we have to keep sharing, asking questions and learning if we want to find our individual balance.
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Thanks Dee

Postby Pauseatively Miserable » Thu Sep 22, 2005 9:59 am

Thanks Dee. It probably wouldn't be so bad, but we've only been married 5 years and he keeps saying I'm changing. I've tried to tell him yes, but not in the way he thinks. LOL.

tls
The older I get, the less I know.
Pauseatively Miserable
 
Posts: 4
Joined: Tue Sep 20, 2005 12:48 pm
Location: Uvalde, TX

Postby colopam » Thu Sep 22, 2005 10:34 am

PM
Hey I'm a relatively new "Newlywed" also, 4 1/2 yrs and he caught me right about the time when peri was raising it's ugly head. Check out those sites Dee gave, at least he won't feel like he's so much in the dark. I got my DH very involved when I had to have fibroid surgery, he knew as much as I did by the time the surgery came around and felt better about what became OUR decision. I got Suzanne Somers book "The Sexy Years" and went over alot of this with him also. At least he knows that this is (unfortunately) normal. Be sure to check out anything with your doc, alot of the time we get lucky and have one that will listen and respect our concerns and try their utmost to help.
In he meantime Hugs to you!! Time for Dayquil!
Pam
It's never too late for a happy childhood!!
The more you live, the less you die!!
Well behaved women rarely make history.
DB: 1958
peri/hypothyroid/fibroids(myomectomy)
Pam
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colopam
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Posts: 1234
Joined: Sun Oct 31, 2004 9:38 am
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