No desire for sex

For those of you who are just beginning this wonderful process, here we can narrow down the symptoms and ask questions like "am I starting perimenopause?"

No desire for sex

Postby queenbee » Fri Oct 07, 2005 5:53 pm

I'm 48 and wondering if I'm pre-M. I did experience hot flashes a year ago. Would wake up with wet sheets. I've been on anti-depressants for years, but lately I've had to lower the dose due to financial strain. I'm trying to wean myself off of Zoloft since I can't afford them. I am very moody and I'm not sure if it's the Zoloft or pre-M. In the meantime, my periods are HEAVY with huge "blood clots". Really is sickening. The problem right now, is my husband LOVES sex and I don't want any part of it! NO DESIRE. Actually I haven't had a desire in years. Do I continue to give in just to please him? I am getting very resentful towards him and I'm ready to walk out of this marraige. My friend suggested that I might be going through menopause and that's how I found this website. I have a doctor's appt. on Oct. 16th. to get a refill on Zoloft. I was going to cancel, but maybe I should talk to him about hormone replacement. Any suggestions would be great!
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Postby Galoutofdixie » Fri Oct 07, 2005 6:16 pm


Sorry your feeling 'not so good'. {{hugs}}

I won't presume to tell you how to approach your hubby on the resentment issuse. Except to say that I understand and have been there at times. It usually passes for me.

My guess is that you are peri-menopausal. The large clots ect. You may be moody due to the lowered dose of Zoloft? I also understand how expensive those things are! I took them for about 6 months for 'situational' depression and they worked like a charm for me.....But, Zoloft is notorious for affecting sex drive and the ability to climax during sex or forplay. Sometimes the desire is there, but the body just won't or can't respond. This may be the cause of your lack of desire.

I wouldn't quit the anitdepressants without your docs. approval, but maybe you could switch kinds? Wellbutrin does not have the sexual side effects. Might be worth a try? With your doctors approval of course. :wink: Also, Welbutrin is not as expensive as Zoloft.

Of course, anitdepresant's are a "your milage may vary", type of med. Everyone is unique and reacts differently to anti-d's.

Hope I've been able to help a small bit. {{hugs}} I think your question would be a good one to address to Dr. Judy. She should would be better able to answer your questions on what to ask the doc. regarding hormone therap and your antidepresant.

Sending good wishes and hope you are feeling better soon.

Love and stuff,
Chris N. :)
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Postby minniepauz » Fri Oct 07, 2005 6:22 pm

Absolutely talk to your doc about menopause! And try to read as much as possible before you go so you know what to ask about.... there are some good pages on the site that will help you too. This is a good one: You might want to ask about bio-identical hormones about them here:

Just don't get too overwhelmed with all the information. :) And see if you can discuss everything with your husband. There's also a page for the guys with links to books and websites for them to understand:

I started menopause at 42 (periods just stopped), so you're in the right age range for peri-menopause (it can last 5-10 years before actual menopause). I presume you saw the symptoms page. That's just a range of things that are very common with lots of women during this time of life.

I'm glad you found us and we'll look forward to hearing from you on a regular basis! :) What part of the country are you from?
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Postby minniepauz » Fri Oct 07, 2005 6:29 pm

Hi Chris....didn't see your post until after I posted. :) Thanks for responding to our new member. Sometimes I can't keep up with everyone and it's great to get a warm response when you come here full of questions and a bit worried and confused! :)

I took Zoloft for 3 or 4 years and never noticed any affects on my sex drive. Now, I've been single for 23 years so that may have been why I didn't notice it! LOL The thing I liked about it was that when I decided to quit taking it, I didn't have any problem getting off it. I've dealt with depression all my life and still have to watch it, but now I take St. John's Wort for a few days and I seem to pull out of it. I don't think it will ever go away completely, but I credit the anti-depressants with helping me when I took them.
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Postby queenbee » Fri Oct 07, 2005 6:51 pm

Thanks for the quick response! I really feel better since I can talk about this. I'll try to explain what I think is going on to my husband. I know he will understand. He'll just be frustrated, but I think he'll back off until I can talk to my doctor about my symptoms and see what he suggests. I'm in Florida. Diane
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Postby colopam » Fri Oct 07, 2005 7:24 pm

Whereabout inFL?

I'd take a printout of the 35 symptoms to that Dr.'s appt. Go over them ahead of time and check the ones you experience along with the frequency and duration. You might be surprised with some sort of pattern.

In the meantime Hugs! Pam
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Postby queenbee » Fri Oct 07, 2005 7:38 pm

That's a good idea, Pam. I'm in Cantonment, just north of Pensacola.
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Postby drjudy » Sun Oct 09, 2005 3:39 pm

Hi QB,

Heavy periods with clots are definitely a sign of perimenopause. The nature of these periods indicate that you are no longer ovulating or producing eggs. I think ovulation is a huge boost to libido, and when you're no longer ovulating, the sex drive tends to fizzle.

You are not yet in a stage where estrogen would be helpful. Your doctor may think that you are a candidate for cycle progesterone therapy to ease the heavy flow. Taking a 10-14 day course of progesterone before each period would decrease the clots. Maybe if your periods weren't so dreadful, you would enjoy sexual contact a bit more.

Chris is correct that Zoloft can be a real libido killer. While Wellbutrin is a great anti-depressant that can actually enhance sexual interest, it doesn't work as well as Zoloft on anxiety. Sometimes Wellbutrin is added to Zoloft to improve sex drive, but that would be rather pricey, wouldn't it?

You certainly have a lot of company in this predicament, and that alone is comforting. I hope your doctor is helpful to you as well.

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