I've lost my 'maternal' feelings...

[itsgottabehormonesmary]

I forgot to mention this one puzzling aspect of entering menopause in my first post to you - why don't I feel 'maternal' anymore? I am a mother and love my 25 year old son. However, when it comes to feeling 'maternal' toward babies, etc. I don't anymore. Is this part of menopause? It's strange because I don't want to be around babies, young children or even anyone who seems needy and I work with developmentally-disabled adults so I need to go to work everyday and I do enjoy it. But, it's like I don't care anymore.

Is anyone else feeling like this. Or, if you did, did it pass? How long did it take to pass? Help!!!! Any advice is greatly appreciated.

[psexypsychic]

I don't feel the least bit maternal toward babies. I have no desire to coo or hold other people's babies.

I have no idea if it is related to menopause or not, but I'm not drawn to babies at all.

And I have three kids of my own who I adore.

[minniepauz]

It's the way nature provides what we need when we're supposed to have it....by the time we reach menopause (or peri), we're supposed to have already had our babies and raised them....the estrogen is partly what makes us nuture. When the estrogen starts decreasing, so does the need to take care of everyone. Now it's time to take care of US!!!

[psexypsychic]

I discovered yesterday that I angered a friend for not going crazy over his new grandbaby. He emailed me photos of the baby and honestly, when they're that "fresh out of the box" so to speak, they all look like 97 year old men- little wrinkly and slightly angry.

I'm not overly fond of the baby's mother (the friend's daughter-in-law) and again, not drawn to babies. I said, "Congratulations" when I heard the baby had been born, but honestly, I have nothing more to give. Anything else would sound forced and unreal.

[iluvtolaff]

Oh my gosh! I never thought about this but you are right! I have no maternal instincts left either! My boss just had her 2nd baby and I felt no enthusiasm whatsoever! No desire to hold it--nothing! I also have no use" for "needy" children--I find them annoying! I even feel a little 'removed' from my grandchildren--like I don't NEED to feel close to them! Hmmm, interesting!

[Bevy1958]

I even feel a little 'removed' from my grandchildren--like I don't NEED to feel close to them! Hmmm, interesting!

Oh thank goodness, I'm not the only one!!! I was beginning to think something was wrong with me because I don't want to spend much time with my 2 grandkids. I love them dearly but right now I truely can't stand to be around them. Some of it probably has to do with the fact that my daughter has no control over them and so they are very loud and quite frankly they are brats. Thankfully they are a 2 hr drive away but when I go visit them I can barely manage to stay an hour. I hope this will pass because I really do feel bad for not spending more time with them...even as I'm running for the door

[iluvtolaff]

[quote="Bevy1958"
Oh thank goodness, I'm not the only one!!! I was beginning to think something was wrong with me because I don't want to spend much time with my 2 grandkids.
my daughter has no control over them and so they are very loud and quite frankly they are brats.

[/quote]

Whew! I was worried about posting such an unpopular thought--"can't stand her own grandkids!!"--but I felt safe posting on 'Minnie' because there's no judging here, just understanding. My daughter lets the kids run rampant and there is no consideration or respect for their elders or anyone else for that matter. I lived with them for 4 years (moved out 6 weeks ago-YAY!!) and I can remember coming home every payday with several bags of groceries and all 3 of them--9, 12, and 19--watching me through the picture window and not one got up to help! They didn't even offer to hold the door open for me, let alone take a bag or 2 and bring them in! That was unheard of in my generation--you jumped up and helped even if you were only 4 years old!!!
Thanks for your reply--I'm sure we're not alone!

[psexypsychic]

Wow! My kids come a-runnin' when I get home with groceries. Sometimes, they don't realize I'm home till I open the door, but then they're on their feet and rushing to the door. I'd wring their necks otherwise!

And, at my parents' house- same thing. They jump to when one of the grandparents asks for help.

[colopam]

I love well behaved children (in public) and for the first 40 yrs of life have been childless by choice, it was only after I married DH that I would have liked to have children thinking of what /how we'd raise them. I don't want children at this age for various reasons. I see that there are alot of spoiled children out there and VERY disrespectful. I see alot of parents that let their children run wild and don't keep an eye on them. I see some getting into some possibly dangerous situations or wandering around stores and such alone. I want to tell these people that no one else loves your children and it's not my responsibility to watch after them. I remember doing housework and helping in the yard wihtout getting an allowance (AND not being asked to do so) we just did it as we too were part of the family and that's what you did! My DSD on the other hand was never expected to behave responsibly nor taught the basics (my DH went to pick his DD up at her house for the weekend and her mom had moved and not told anyone where!!)(she didn't know how to make toast for heavens sake! what her mom and stepdad did I don't know but I know there was no discipline) but when we got her (age 15) we had a challenge, she and I communicated pretty well but I see the damage that her first 15 yrs will have on her future....but feeling maternal anymore is beyond me.... I love children....but parents have got to take on the responsibility they chose and not expect the rest of the world to do the parenting for them....it takes a village???? no what they need are parents! (just had a vague aquaintance give me a baby shower invite..jeesh!!)

Hugs Pam

[DayDreamer]

Oh Thank goodness for this site (again and again)!!!!!
I have little neices and nephews that I love the idea of but................and a gorgeous 2 and half yr old grand daughter that I love dearly but...............

Once again I don't have to feel so GUILTY, because I'm not an alien after all!!!!!!!!!!!!

[judi]

Oh thank God for this site. I thought it was just me. If I never hold another baby, good. I managed to anger a few people too because I could care less that yet another woman managed to pop out kid. I was ready to make an appointment with a psychologist, I really really thought there was something radically wrong with me. (well there still might be but at least I'm not alone.)

I don't know which is worse, the not caring about anything or the lack of libido. Between the two, I'm beginning to feel like a piece of driftwood.


Judi

[minniepauz]

Think about how beautiful driftwood is, Judi! It's beautifully shaped and very smooth from all the experiences and time that it's been floating around life. Most people cherish the piece of driftwood they find (if they're lucky enough to find one...I did last year in upper Michigan).

So now you have a whole new view of yourself! Hang in there...we're with you all the way!

[iluvtolaff]

Wow, Minnie! What an awesome analogy!

[judi]

Dee, You are so nice. It sure is a beautiful analogy. What's funny is, as I typed it I was thinking about how driftwood makes its way from place to place. Whenever I have one of my "low" days, I'm going to think about what you said, it's too beautiful to forget and it sure does make me feel better.

Thank you for your kind words.

Judi

[minniepauz]

Wow...thanks to both of you for taking so much from my "off the top of my head" thoughts. It makes me feel great to know I can help someone look at things from a different perspective.