Where did the sex drive go?

For those of you who are just beginning this wonderful process, here we can narrow down the symptoms and ask questions like "am I starting perimenopause?"

Where did the sex drive go?

Postby bonsachangin » Sun Feb 25, 2007 4:15 pm

Hi everyone,
O.K. here I go! I'm starting to get really ticked! I am 51 and haven't had a period since about aug. Before that they were hit and mostly miss. Well I did have a little tinge of something in oct for about a second and the poof it was gone. I can deal with this, I don't miss the periods. I have minimal mood swings and very minimal(at this time sleeping issues) . I don't have hot flashes per say I have warm flashes and sometimes cold flashes. I'm not crazy about the vaginal dryness, but I'm even dealing with that. (thank god for replens)skin is changing and if I keep growing anymore hairs on my chin I think I'm going to have to start shaving. Oh yeah I have most of the other signs and symptoms of perimenopause. Once again I think I am doing ok with most of them). You may not think so after I am done with this post.

But what is really making me mad is my lack and let me stress LACK of any kind of sex drive what so ever!!! I mean this is driving me crazy I have gone from having a great sex life with my husband to some one that is relieved when he doesn't you know, make the move. Does it ever come back?(please say yes) I really really really miss it!!! I'm sure he does too.

I am not due to see my gyno until July and I am in the process of changing gynocologis any way. Mine is no help what so ever. All he tells me is if I want he can prescribe low dose bc pills to regulate my periods. Does this help anything else that is going on. I need a Dr. who can help me under stand what is going on with my body. To explain to me how soon can I start HRT and is there anything that will help until that time. I always get the feeling when I leave his office his response is too bad so sad see ya next year!

My internest prescribed premarin cream for me to see if that helped dryness, but my best friend an ob gyn(out of state) told me not to use this without anykind of estrogen(I think that is what she said) She suggested Vagifem 25 micrograms once or twice a week or Estring one ring intrvag every 3 months. (Dr.Judy?) My friend also told me that she thought my gyno must not feel I am in perimenopause or he would start me on something Could have fooled me! I wish there was a way that all male gyno's had to go through this. Just so they could show a smidgen of compassion and understanding. I'm sure there are some out there that are wonderful. But I haven't found one yet. So at this time I think I am definitely leaning towards a middleaged female gyno.

I did have the blood test last year and once again it was my internest who ordered at my request and guess what it was almost normal. There was one value that was a little off but that was it.

ARGH!!!! Sorry guys I know I'm just having a big o pity party. But I'm just so frustrated maybe I should bump my mood swings up a bit from minimal. Any advice, encouragement or I'll even take pity from any one that has the courage to respond after my cry baby session here, would be appreciated. Thanks in advance.

Bonnie
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Ditto!

Postby emkode » Mon Feb 26, 2007 9:41 pm

Hi, Bonnie

Sadly, I am having the same problem and I will be 37 in a week. No drive at all and it is painful when I do. I am experiencing 25 of the symptoms on the list. I can't get an appointment with my gynecologist until June! My GP is worthless except for setting broken bones or stitching things up. His answer to everything is Zoloft or Prozac if you are a woman. I actually call him the drug pusher!lol :shock:

I think the wonderful thing about this forum is that you can come here and unload, whine, cry, and kick the virtual dog!:twisted: [/b]
Laura

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Postby bonsachangin » Tue Feb 27, 2007 1:56 am

Thanks Laura,
You know it's amazing that one can feel so much better just by letting it all out! I have had all these feeling bottled up for so long now and I think I just exploded when I posted last night. You are right about the forum. There is no where else that I can think of that I could have said all of that except here.

I'm sorry you are going through the same thing! I still keep hoping for a magic pill that will make all of this go away. When I find it I will let you know. I was offered Zoloft and prozac as well from one Doc.

Thanks again and hang in there! Hopefully things will get better for both of us. Take Care!

Bonnie
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Postby minniepauz » Tue Feb 27, 2007 9:15 am

Here's an article about a book I want to get:

Joan Sewell talks about her new book, I'd Rather Eat Chocolate, and the politically incorrect reality that most married women just aren't that into sex
.....

I'd Rather Eat Chocolate: Learning to Love My Low Libido
by Joan Sewell

Joan Sewell is not in the mood. In fact, she is never—or hardly ever—in the mood. And it’s not that she hasn’t tried.

She slathers her husband, Kip, in chocolate frosting. She whispers naughty nothings in his ear. She lights candles, dons a bustier and fishnets, and massages him with scented oil. Ho-hum. She would still prefer a brownie, a book—anything to sex. And she says most women, unless they’re fooling themselves, consider the deed a chore.

The idea that women’s sex drive can match men’s is politically correct piffle, says Sewell, who is 45. Her memoir, I’d Rather Eat Chocolate: Learning to Love My Low Libido, recounts one frustration after another in a buildup to an anticlimactic conclusion: she’s just not that into sex. Such a pronouncement may not be titillating, but it’s groundbreaking, says Sandra Tsing Loh in the March issue of the Atlantic.
More: http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200702u/no-sex

--------------------------------------------------
I recommend that you visit Dr. Berman's website....she's the top expert on these problems. Here's some links where she's answering questions, etc.:
http://www.oprah.com/health/sexuality/q ... 0302.jhtml
http://www.ourgyn.com/article_retrieve. ... icleid=192

You can find a lot more by searching for "post menopausal libido" or something similar. Good luck ladies and just know it's a common problem. I've been single since before I started menopause, so I've never had to deal with this, but I certainly understand what a problem it is.
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Postby bonsachangin » Tue Feb 27, 2007 11:49 am

Dee,

Thank you! Thank you! I needed a good laugh tha part about slathering her husband in chocolate frosting and the fishnet stockings Made me laugh so hard I had tears in my eyes. I am definitely going to look at the website and find the book. You gotta love someone who uses the word piffle.

You guys are great and Thanks for the support! I gotta go now because I need to go find some chocolate.

Thanks again!
Bonnie
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Postby gorgeousfluffpot » Wed Mar 07, 2007 2:37 pm

My sex drive is either non-existent or like a raging inferno - definitely the hormones. My poor husband gets into bed with me and never knows what to expect. Being honest, the 'up' swings are fairly infrequent but when they have come then I feel very very horny. But then I can have long periods of nothing, no interest, a nuclear bomb wouldn't budge my libido ....
However, one has to think about the needs of one's partner, regardless of how patient they are. So I don't think it's a huge sacrifice to dress up in the glad rags once in a while (what is it with men and lacey underwear) and do all the things he likes. A bit of KY to helps things along, a few moans and groans to give him encouragement .... and he's a happy bunny. Sorry if this sounds like giving in but I accept that my sex drive is rather hit and miss, but my husband's is constant and it's unfair for him to go without for weeks.
Anyway, that's how I deal with it, but I do wonder when my libido will return to normal!!!
Take cover! Hormones on the rampage again ...
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Postby colopam » Thu Mar 08, 2007 9:32 am

Gorgeous

I agree with you and it's not a sacrifice for someone you love and respect. It's not that I don't like it once we get going anyway and time can slip so fast. Jury's still out on the warming KY, can't imagine using it as a massage medium, too sticky! (being amassage therapist there's be no way!)

Hugs Pam
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The more you live, the less you die!!
Well behaved women rarely make history.
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peri/hypothyroid/fibroids(myomectomy)
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Postby bonsachangin » Thu Mar 08, 2007 8:12 pm

Gorgeous,
I have to agree with both you and pam. It really isn't that big of a sacrifice once we start as well for the most part I do start to enjoy it. But to be honest I do fake the Big O quite a bit now.( didn't have to before) Gorgeous you description describedregarding that was spot on ( the moans and groans.) I haven't tried the warming KY yet as well it doesn't even sound like I would want to try. Just think about the poor women before KY was around. OUCH!

I beginning to think as I get older that I'm just going to have to find a new normal and learn to live with all of the changes that are happening with my body. I shall strive try to enjoy all of the great things in my life. I have a wonderful husband who loves me and still desires me and we can still share the closeness that we have always had.(even without the Big O). Take care everyone and thanks for sharing.

Bonnie
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Postby colopam » Thu Mar 08, 2007 9:06 pm

Hugs Bonnie...don't know why just needed to.

Hugs Pam
It's never too late for a happy childhood!!
The more you live, the less you die!!
Well behaved women rarely make history.
DB: 1958
peri/hypothyroid/fibroids(myomectomy)
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Postby bonsachangin » Fri Mar 09, 2007 12:12 am

Thanks Pam,
Back at ya!

Bonnie
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