Mia, the key is to remember that you're not alone and that it will pass. I've said many times that each of us will probably have to get used to a new "normal" so it's better to adjust than to expect things to go back to before it all started to change, AND it WILL get better, we just don't know how long it will take each individual.
Keep trying to find solutions to the issues that bother you most and keep trying to find a new way to look at things. Eventually, things will smooth out that are related to menopause, but there will still be issues that are due to general aging.
I wish you didn't have the IBS either. I'm guessing you've done tons of research on it, right? What is the most prominent advice you've found? That's the course I would take. My mother has it too and amazingly, she carries on and goes on trips and everything, even a cruise. She just takes enough Imodium to feel secure and then eats whatever loosens her up again once she's at a place where she can let go. Then I have a male friend who is 60 who also has IBS and he's practically a prisoner in his home. My Mom watches what she eats, but my friend doesn't. That seems to be a big issue.
As far as the doctors who say this and that is not related to menopause, they're coming from a totally different place than women who actually go through this stuff! So women listen more to other women (and doctors like Dr. Judy) because they know what we're talking about. The list of symptoms on my site was not made by doctors, but by women just like you and me, so THAT'S why stomach problems are on our list.

here's a very insteresting site for you...they even have people who express their feelings about IBS in their art... also the stories are very compelling....
http://www.aboutibs.org/site/about-ibs/ ... -profiles/