Sudden onset of deep depression - got the blues!

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Sudden onset of deep depression - got the blues!

Postby gorgeousfluffpot » Thu Sep 17, 2009 1:01 pm

This morning I woke up and felt like I was weighted down by a heavy black blanket of depression - a complete shock since I'm normally fairly chipper and quite positive. For the life of me I cannot shake this feeling off, and I have wandered around all day feeling like I want to burst into tears and howl away my blues. The thing is: I don't have any worries, life is good, I have a lot to be thankful for, health and money and relationships are fine, so why am I sitting here ready to cry?
I suspect that the reason may be that tomorrow, 18th, is the sixth anniversary of my mother's death. Perhaps it's that, or perhaps I'm just trying to find a reason for this ghastly sadness that has overcome me. I nursed my parents in their last years and actually thought I handled everything pretty well. They were both ill for a long time and, frankly speaking, their deaths came as a relief and freed me to do the things I wanted to do without guilt of leaving them abandoned. I don't miss them and rarely think about them - does that sound cruel? They were good parents, the best, but nursing them in their last years gave me the opportunity to say all that I wanted to say and repay some of what they had done for me ... their deaths came as a natural end to their illnesses and my spiritual beliefs - reincarnation, that we live on long after our bodies - have give me great strength not to hang on to the past nor dwell over things that I cannot change. I've not cried since the funerals (my dad died a year after mum) but somehow, today, just looking at the diary and realising that it has been six long years since I last saw my mother in this lifetime is breaking my heart.
Gosh, I'm crying as I type this and I don't normally blub about ANYTHING!!!! I'm not even sure this is what I'm crying about, I'm just trying to make sense of this depression that seems all around me.
Perhaps this will go as suddenly as it came. For some reason I just feel utterly abandoned by life. I hope this is just a 'today thing' and that tomorrow I wake up and it's gone. There's my brain telling me that this isn't normal, that I'm acting daft, that I NEVER blub but always keep a stiff upper lip and all that, and then there's my heart which feels like it is breaking.
I'm not even sure why I'm posting this. Maybe writing it down gives me an opportunity to look, objectively, at how I feel and see it's totally inappropriate for now. The sun is shining and life is good ..... I just wish I could kick-start some enthusiasm for today.
Sorry to write this bag of misery, but it's better to unload your feelings isn't it?
Take cover! Hormones on the rampage again ...
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Re: Sudden onset of deep depression - got the blues!

Postby Kris » Fri Sep 18, 2009 10:16 pm

I got the 'blues' too, Gorgeous. Been a very rough month. Period is still going.... over three weeks now..... very blue and so Damn inconvenient right now. I have alot going on. Grandbaby on her way down to Atlanta... be here in the morning. Hoping this will help me shake this 'not me' feeling. :(
Hope you start feeling better SOON!
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Re: Sudden onset of deep depression - got the blues!

Postby minniepauz » Sun Sep 20, 2009 8:15 pm

Ladies...I think we forget (or maybe don't know) that our hormones continue to fluctuate and whatever "balance" we might have become used to could suddenly shift and throw us "off" again. As I've said before, there are no defined lines of how our bodies are going to act from one stage to another so we can only hope that we've learned to manage the ups and downs until we're back to "normal" again. :)

This too shall pass....... hang in there!
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Re: Sudden onset of deep depression - got the blues!

Postby parts2you » Sun Sep 20, 2009 9:35 pm

i find alot of times the time does co-incite with an unpleasant event from the past. for quite a few years i would get depressed the end of august. i usually thought it was due to summer ending...then i realized it was the time my mom got sick and passed. whats weird is once i realized it, it didnt seem to happen every year anymore.
last week on monday, i woke up feeling extremely anxious. i was like, what the heck,where the heck is this coming from? then i found out my son was having a hard time (he has some mental illness), then later i realized it was the anniversary week of his trial. which, i didnt until writing THIS....realize...maybe thats why HE was havin such a hard time all last week.
hope we all have mental clarity this week, and can smile alittle. well, alot.
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