Morbid thoughts - PLEASE tell me I'm not going crazy...

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Morbid thoughts - PLEASE tell me I'm not going crazy...

Postby itsgottabehormonesmary » Mon Dec 31, 2007 11:43 am

Hi. It's been a while since I posted anything here. I just went 5 months without a period, thought that 'this was it.' I had started taking ProMensil and had continued with Remifemin. The hot flashes had stopped, etc. Then, wham, I got my period. Lasted for 7 days, only had cramps one day. Then the hot flashes started again, slowly but now fully blown-out hot flashes and, worst of all, the morbid thoughts that I can't get rid of - like, what if my husband dies and leaves me all alone; Our only son is married and lives in another state, I'll be all alone. I'm hearing-impaired and wear hearing-aids. So, that has been added to the list of thoughts - like, I'm going to go completely deaf and be all alone. We are empty-nesters and I feel so alone now. At times I no longer wanted to 'mother.' But now I can't stop crying about not having any children still here at home with me. I can't sleep at night because of the hot flashes. I'm snoring again at night and my husband can't sleep because of either my snoring or the ceiling fan having to be on at night and the room cold. He sleeps in our son's old room. I cry at just about anything. I just had my 54th birthday on December 27. I didn't handle that well. I keep thinking and worrying about the fact that I am no longer a young woman. It didn't help that we had gone to Medieval Times castle to celebrate my birthday. He had them announce my birthday and I was even given a scroll. I was ok with it until I read that I am now considered a "Dame" of the Realm (gone is the maiden, Lady, Mother designation). This was supposed to be FUN. I felt OLD. I'm crying typing this. I took off Christmas week from work and it was probably the worst thing that I could have done. I should have stayed busy. I find myself with no energy, irritable, crying, angry, etc.

I got up this morning (after a miserable night's sleep - or should I say lack of sleep) and called the dr's office and told them I can't take this anymore with hot flashes, mood swings, thoughts, etc. I will go in next Tuesday. (I couldn't get in sooner).

Please tell me I'm not going Nuts and that other women have experienced all this. Geez, I feel worse now then I ever did as a teenager experiencing hormonal changes. I even have zits on my chin now, never had them before. Help! Any advice? :cry:
"I'm still standing!!!! Yeah, yeah, yeah!!!!!!!!!!!"
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Postby minniepauz » Mon Dec 31, 2007 10:53 pm

Mary....just know that there are many of us here who understand exactly what you're going through and we'll be here to try to help you get through it. There will be good and not so good days, but you will come through.

Keep reading and finding everything good about your life each day. What you are grateful for will bring you through. Promise.
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Postby menohead » Fri Feb 08, 2008 11:44 pm

Linda,
I suffered horrid meno panic attacks in which I feared insanity. SSRIS or Xanax could be useful, but SSRI's could worsen your angst and Xanax is addictive. Although the terminology in the book, "Hope and Help for Your Nerves," by
Claire Weekes is dated, her technique is timeless. Take it a minute at a time, while reminding yourself you survived days such as these previously. I also have the morbid thoughts surrounding the death of my husband, who's a decade older.
Try to remind yourself that you'll cross that bridge when you come to it rather than torturing yourself with thoughts of your husband's death. Also, use this as a opportunity to let your husband know you love him One night, my love got teary in the shower thinking about how I'll be alone when he dies.
I also flashes from hell and lack of sleep makes everything worse. You aren't going crazy, as crazy people tend to think
they're sane. First, you have to get a good nights sleep. I don't know how you feel about sleep meds, but for me to beats amped up anxiety from anxiety. Valerian is an herb
that could help. Also, over the counter Benadryl can induce sleep. Google progressive muscle relaxation, as this is a technique when used at bedtime relaxes muscle tension. Natural progesterone also has sedative properties, but with my history of PMDD I'd be bawllng until the proverbial cows come home, as that's the hormone, which surges premensturally. Hence, my severe PMS.
I understand where your coming from, as I envisioned my widowhood, as well. I've read, as we come into our late fifties
and sixties we begin to accept the inevitability of death. Also, perhaps your husband could die first. Let that one take care of itself, as it's beyond our human control. Aging, the same thing, inevitiable. Mourn the passage of youth, perhaps with
a deep cry, then accept that death is out of our mere mortal hands.
First off, I hope the doctor helped your insomnia by
mentioning the sedative properties of progesterone. If you aren't a med phobe something for sleep would make coping
easier. Early peri, I'd go days on three hours sleep feeling like I was going mad.
When overwhelmed by the beasts of depression and anxiety it's impossible to concentrate, so unless you jeapordized losing your job consider it a mental health day.
Distraction is wonderful, but sometimes the symptoms barrage us leaving us incapacitated.

Remember death and age are not factors you control.


Your letter touched me.
I've been there.
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