Embracing "50"

[Kris]

It seems since I turned 50 years old in January, that I have had alot of women tell me I should be embracing fifty years old...... that there is a calm wisdom about it.... that it is the best time of your life... you worry less... laugh more.... you care less of what people think of you and more of what you think of yourself.... that its liberating ... enlightening and it might be easier now taking 'the road less traveled' than it was in the past. That all sounds so good in theory and I want to embrace it. But how?? I am definately doing something radically wrong...... but what? I seem to worry more now about myself, than ever before. I certainly am to tired to embrace anything right now. For the first time in as long as i can remember, I feel sometimes like I just don't care anymore.... and that scares me. A lot. It is mind boggling that a few crummy hormones can make me feel so blue... so foggy... so... I really 'just don't care' Does this ever just go away?

[minniepauz]

Yes, it does go away once you start to accept "what is" and stop worrying about stuff that probably isn't going to happen.....OR......stop worrying about how to stop what is inevitable. I really don't mean to sound insensitive, but the reason you don't have any energy is because it's being spent on worrying and wondering when is this all going to end.

I can guarantee you if you concentrate more on what you have than what you don't have, you will start enjoying your life more, you will have more energy than you have right now and you will feel more like you want to feel when it's not unrealistic.

For 10+ years I've been encouraging women to be realistic about where they are in life, to trust their instincts about what their body needs and to be honest about what they are doing to stay in shape. I smoked for 40 years and then overate and didn't exercise for the past 20 years.....I'm going to be 60 next week and although I feel like crap and need to lose weight, I'm not doing it (yet)....see, I still have hope!

I'm on "A New Earth" kick (check it out at http://www.oprah.com) and am learning that all these terrible thoughts our minds are filled with come from our ego and the best way to get rid of them is to find a consciousness that doesn't allow the ego to control our thoughts. I know, it sounds kind of mumbo jumbo, but if you truly want to stop feeling so bad...and I do...then it's worth a look.

Here's a quote from a woman who read the book: Elizabeth says she had an aha! moment after years of thinking negative. "God, how many years I've wasted, letting negative thoughts control my life, keeping me in emotional chains. I've now found that, even at 62, I can make changes, starting with what I say to myself. … Now, I laugh and go on. I also tell myself I'm beautiful, that I'm worthy and that I love me."

[Kris]

Dee, I agree with everything you said. I am sorry however, if I gave the impression that i am not appreciative of what I do have. I thank God everyday for all the blessings in my life.... and there are many. I try not to spend much time thinking about the times i just don't feel well, but those times seem to be more frequent, as of late and I find myself getting 'undone' about it. It is frustrating sometimes, because i do try to care for my body, by eating right and walking. I have to work seven days a week, but I still try to find a moment to myself at night to unwind from the day.
In retrospect, what I should have said was that I was having a very bad day. Nothing seemed right... I couldn't make anything work correctly and i was ready to hang it up and go home to a bubble bath. Which is what I did, LOL, and today is a new day. I am fully aware of "you are what you think you are" and I try hard to keep my thoughts steered in that direction.
I did buy Tolle's book, "A New Earth," last month, but have not had time to sit quietly and read it. I did however, read his previous book "The Power of Now" and it was an amazing read. Difficult, but definately worth the time.
Anyways, just wanted to clarify my earlier post and admit that yesterday, I was sitting in a corner and licking my paws for awhile and put it down in a post!

[minniepauz]

I seem to get myself in trouble everytime I respond to a "bad day" post...sorry Ladies, I'm not trying to get everyone to suddenly start being on the happy side of things all the time. When I see it I just want to help and something that has helped me is being able to pull myself out of the "funk" by remembering what we can do to feel better. When I hear someone else feeling like I do much of the time, I automatically speak out....it helps shake me out of the funk too. I know it's easier to advise someone else about what they should do than do it for ourselves, right?

I've had the book for about 2 months and just recently got into the teleclasses.....that is SO helpful. I just couldn't grasp what the book was saying!!

Please forgive me if I sounded like you were being ungrateful...that's not what I meant at all.

[Kris]

Dee.... I appreciate you addressing my "bad day" post. No need to apologize, as sometimes it s good for someone to try talking some 'good sense' into you, when you are wasting time with negativity. I am dedicated optomist.... usually. LOL... I was raised that way. In fact, I sometimes laughing tell people that I am so optimistic... when The funeral home came to get my mom after she died, I still had a shred of hope that she "might make it" Obviously, I am being extreme here, but at our age, when things start to take you down..... sometimes it takes a few words of wisdom (Yours, in this case) to shake things up a bit!! Thanks!

[gorgeousfluffpot]

Kris, you're not alone. This turning-50 lark has really got to me as well, in a way that is difficult to express and also doesn't logically make sense. I put a post on MinniePauz about how I felt about turning 50 and the feelings that it churned up in me. I guess, in a nutshell, some of what I feel is a perception of what society thinks a 50-year-old woman should be (sensible haircut, font of all wisdom, etc.) whereas, in my head, I'm still 20 and wearing my hippie clothes and wondering what I will do when I grow up!! My head hasn't aged at the same rate as my body, hence the conflict. So I have all this stuff I think about in my head (going out, dancing, clubbing, doing the hippie trail across Peru...) and then, when I look in the mirror, a rather dumpy 50 year old face stares back at me. That really sends me into the gloom and doom.
My hormones have recently plummeted me into a major depression and I could sit and cry for no reason. I have nothing to cry about, life is good to me. Cripes, there are real problems in the world and I'm blubbing about where 50 years have gone and how many I have left, and am mourning that I will probably never do that hippie trek nor take a firm-bodied young man to my bed again and I will certainly never see my waistline again!! It's like, as you say, a fog comes down and colours everything grey. But in your 'sane' moments you can see the colours again.
I never thought I would have this reaction to turning 50. My other milestone birthdays (30 and 40) have always felt like I was growing. Whereas 50 felt like the end, like I am now shrinking. Does that make sense?
Dee has counselled me with many wise words on this. I just have this overwhelming feeling that someone needs to shake me hard by the shoulders and tell me to pull myself together, and then I could snap out of it. This depression is the worst part of the menopausal process, to me, so far.

[danmia]

I totally agree the depression is definitely my worst problem right now, and I am for the first time in my life feeling my age, both in mind and body. I have extreme boredom and restlessness something I have always tried to combat because I do bore very easily. But this is lasting much longer than usual and it sucks. Right now I have loads of positive things in life, but I can't seem to think positively about them. I became a grandmother for the third time today and I just felt old and miserable because my daughter is thousands of miles away in Australia and there's nothing I can do about seeing the baby. Also infuriatingly enough her mother in law was there for the birth, she goes over there 3 months at a time twice a year so I guess jealousy there too.........sigh......just a crappy day .........

[Kris]

Oh Ladies.............. you both have verbalized exactly what I feel. Life IS good... I love it!! Ok... Then why don't I feel it? I have to say it... I did hate turning fifty. I don't feel fifty.... don't look fifty (isn't that the housedress, the sensible hair (LOL... Loved that illistration, Gorgeous!).... certainly don't act fifty. I once saw a tee shirt that I loved. It read, "Fifty is Nifty...... if Nifty works for you"
Depression is my problem also. One day I am fine... the next day is not so good...... and so on... and so on. Today I saw my Doctor and she told me everything I already know...... EXCERISE. I am going to go to the gym tomorrow. I am going to go 5 days a week. Even if i just walk on the treadmill and lift a few weights, I am going. I know it'll help.... I just need the kick in the butt to get started.
Many Congrats on your new grandbaby, Danmia..... my daughter is expecting the end of June! She is 500 miles away from me, so I understand the sadness there.............. I completely understand the "jealousy factor" also. I'm sure your daughter wishes you were there... there is nothing better than your own mom!
Have a wonderful day! Off to work I go..................

[neenie]

I'd just like to say thank you for this topic. I'm 54 in July, weigh around 11st. and it's so good to come and get identification from others. Feeling you're the only one is scary then coming here and reading your own story in someone else's is so comforting. I believe half the battle is no longer feeling we're on our own in this. I found great comfort and identification in particular with gorgeousfluffpot.
I also loved minnipauz reply to Kris and will look at the link as soon as i've posted this.
I have finally accepted the inevitable, I am growing older and I will never have my youthful figure again.
I stripped off and took some nude photographs of myself. I looked at my good points, I have a beautiful smile, my breasts are slightly saggy but well shaped. Slim wrists, tiny hands, nice skin all over. Well shaped legs. The only problem was, there was far too much of me.
I feel beautiful inside, my smile shows that, my hair is shiny and well cut.
I now have choices to make. I looked at my diet, I can certainly improve it. I will walk a little more. I do go swimming twice a week. I also have a bicycle, but don't use it, so I will use that a little more. But more importantly, I will stop trying to turn the clock back and make use of what I have now. It's a pointless exercise comparing yourself to what you used to be like.
When I go outside, I wear clothes. People see my smile first and that's more important than seeing a slimmer me. I now embrace being 53. It's so liberating letting go of all that rubbish.
It's not easy, it takes time and I have bad days when i really do not like what I see, but not very often.
My motto is Easy Does It, I will do what I have to do when i'm in the mood, but I now have a different attitude purely because I stopped fighting against nature and accepted I am growing older and my body is really lovely the way it is today.
I'm actually learning to love myself and it feels good.

[minniepauz]

Very nice post, neenie....thanks for joining us!!

[Seventeen_At_Heart]

well, I'm in my 50th year now...as of 2 days ago
[although not 50 ]

and I feel so old...due to my body NOT my mind!

[Seventeen_At_Heart]

I'd just like to say thank you for this topic. I'm 54 in July, weigh around 11st. and it's so good to come and get identification from others. Feeling you're the only one is scary then coming here and reading your own story in someone else's is so comforting. I believe half the battle is no longer feeling we're on our own in this. I found great comfort and identification in particular with gorgeousfluffpot.
I also loved minnipauz reply to Kris and will look at the link as soon as i've posted this.
I have finally accepted the inevitable, I am growing older and I will never have my youthful figure again.
I stripped off and took some nude photographs of myself. I looked at my good points, I have a beautiful smile, my breasts are slightly saggy but well shaped. Slim wrists, tiny hands, nice skin all over. Well shaped legs. The only problem was, there was far too much of me.
I feel beautiful inside, my smile shows that, my hair is shiny and well cut.
I now have choices to make. I looked at my diet, I can certainly improve it. I will walk a little more. I do go swimming twice a week. I also have a bicycle, but don't use it, so I will use that a little more. But more importantly, I will stop trying to turn the clock back and make use of what I have now. It's a pointless exercise comparing yourself to what you used to be like.
When I go outside, I wear clothes. People see my smile first and that's more important than seeing a slimmer me. I now embrace being 53. It's so liberating letting go of all that rubbish.
It's not easy, it takes time and I have bad days when i really do not like what I see, but not very often.
My motto is Easy Does It, I will do what I have to do when i'm in the mood, but I now have a different attitude purely because I stopped fighting against nature and accepted I am growing older and my body is really lovely the way it is today.
I'm actually learning to love myself and it feels good.

wow, you are so brave...
hope I can get there.

and active.
*sigh*
am sick of being ill!!!!!!!!!!

[GrandmaGreathouse]

I truly do believe the messages we give ourselves do finally win out. When I look back at what I wanted so badly in my very depressed 40's - I have!!!! At 46 years, 2 months and 20 days, I had an "ah-ha" moment. The idea that THAT very moment was my half-life. It was a profound moment. The next half is going to be good.

Important part: We need to give ourselves positive messages. What do you love? What do you love to do? Who do you love to be around? Even though one day I will be gone from this place, I want those who remain to have good memories of me.

[gorgeousfluffpot]

this is SUCH an interesting topic, and I am getting real support and confidence from reading other people's posts. By the way, Seventeen At Heart, 'happy birthday' for the other day.

Some of our conflict stems, I feel, from the emphasis that the media places on a woman's looks. Take Jane Fonda - and listen to everyone say "doesn't she look good for her age". Ignore the Botox and all that, yes she does look good, as the emphasis is on looking young. Whereas men can age gracefully and with their age and greying hair comes a certain 'gravitas' which demands respect. Whereas a greying women just turns invisible. And if she stays natural, well she is in competition with other women who get the tweaks and the Botox and the subtle facelifts and airbrushing and thus set the 'norm' for how 50 should look.

When I'm not looking in the mirror getting depressed at my double chin and wondering where my whiskers have started to sprout from, I get annoyed at how there is such an emphasis on us to LOOK good. And to look young. Advertisers aim for our insecurities. I find myself shouting at the television these days, particularly when I see an anti-ageing cream advertised by a woman in her early twenties. Mr. Gorgeous rolls his eyes as I shout "of course she looks good with that cream, she's got no bloody wrinkles to start with!!". But then I have a horribly secret covetous feeling that if I DID buy this cream, it would remove the obvious lines and wrinkles that I have on my face, remove 20 pounds from my waist and I, too, could be skipping along in the sand like the woman in the advert. And that's what annoys me, that it hits me right in the soft underbelly of my insecurities and I find myself wanting to buy anti-ageing creams and exfoliants and all the other stuff that we know doesn't work and costs a bomb.

Turning 50 has been a landmark year for me, making me question a lot of stuff about myself. Turning 30 and 40 was, as I put in a previous post, like I was 'growing' and 50 feels like I'm on the downward slope. I pick up magazines that tell me that I should be having the time of my life, with a confidence and disregard for other people's approval, and wearing what I want and that people will stop in the street and admire this strong, confident, wise woman who takes long strides and walks with purpose. Who the heck thought up that one????? Obviously a man!! That's how I think I OUGHT to be feeling, instead I look in the mirror and worry about my tubby belly and whether my bum looks big in my trousers. That's the reality of turning 50.

So, as for "embracing 50", well that sounds very 'girl power' and all but it is an advertiser's slogan. And the point of advertising is to spend money. We will never be thin enough, young enough, golden enough, or have the right clothes .... and all the time that we worry about meeting the invisible advertising standards we will continue to open our wallet and purchase creams, moisturisers and expensive pots of emulsified water, push up and push out brassieres, the latest clothes, the fashionable shoes, the accessories. All into the hands of the advertisers. And we will still look in the mirror and wonder where our youth went, where all the years have gone.

Apologies if I sound bitter. I'm not. I just wish that I didn't care what people thought or said about me, then I would have the confidence to wear what I wanted, leave off the make-up, say what I thought and live a free life, pretty much what "embracing 50" is supposed to be. But the problem is, my hormones have so diminished my confidence and it annoys me that, after five decades on this planet, I still worry about being gossiped about, looked at, stared at, disapproved of. I wish I had the confidence not to care.

Oooooh, rant over. Goodness I feel better. Phew. Thanks for listening ladies.

[Kris]

Well Said!!!!! You have a wonderful way with words... and you hit it "right on the head"