Embracing "50"

[Seventeen_At_Heart]

... But the problem is, my hormones have so diminished my confidence ....

yes, that's what I realised the other day...
it's actually a physical thing that I can't fight with sheer willpower...it's in and from my body...as I can almost tell when it starts now [on my cycle] when things change in my feelings as well as my body.

I am a pretty positive and hopeful person, usually, so it's not me - but I recognise I just have to go through this...that there will be another side one day that I get to.

[GrandmaGreathouse]

Oh gorgeous - you must have some confidence or you wouldn't have given yourself such a strong name name.

....and you do sound empowered.

While the advertisers job is to sell sell sell - it doesn't hurt us to have some pride in our appearance. I think it's a good thing to work on being healthy and better appearance will go with it. That doesn't mean that we need to do all the cosmetic procedures, but heck, if you've got the money.....you might have the time!!!!

When my Dad turned 80 - he said, "I don't FEEL 80." It made me think - what does "feeling 80" feel like????? It's in the head!

[minniepauz]

Oooooh, rant over. Goodness I feel better. Phew. Thanks for listening ladies.

We all love listening to you because we hear the echos of our own voices.

[minniepauz]

After reading this entire thread for the 10th time I had a thought about what it's like for so many different women to be going through the same things, but still having different experiences and difficulties at different times.

What came to mind was learning to drive a stick shift. Right about the same age (some 15, some 16 or later) we're old enough to drive. Now some are lucky enough to be given a brand new car....automatic, no less and they speed away into the future hitting very few speed bumps or red lights.

Most of us end up with a beat up old stick shift that we have to learn to drive and it takes each of us a certain amount of time before we can ride smoothly down that road. Remember trying to coordinate the clutch and the gas? LOL The car would go hopping and jerking about 10 feet and then stall. Then if we DID manage to get it moving, trying to get into 2nd gear was excruciating and the grinding gears sounded like the car was falling apart!

I think it took me about 2 weeks to learn to get to 3rd gear and suddenly I felt like I had made it over the hump!! I was finally a driver!! About that time came my first HILL. How was I going to take my foot off the brake, put it on the gas, let go of the clutch and keep the car from rolling back into the car behind me!!??

There were actually years of situations that helped me become a good driver. This is kind of how I see peri-menopause today. Lots of speed bumps, red lights and steep hills, but we're not going to just give up driving, right? It helps to know that we have to just keep trying and we will make it to our destination, hopefully without any major accidents along the way!

What do you think, Girls?

[periwinkle]

I can really relate to all of you. I too have been very melancholy since all these perimenopause symptoms started up. I am really restless and bored out of my mind. Part of it is because I lost my part time job. I am trying to find something new, so far no luck. One thing that makes me feel better is walking, biking, and going to the gym. If I didn't exercize I would go stark raving mad. The one good thing about it is that I probably have never been in better shape in my life physically, now if I could only get my head together!!!

The other day I was having the blues, then I saw this young blind woman walking with her leader dog and a small child, probably her daughter. I just started balling hysterically because here I am feeling sorry for myself, and this woman is walking down a busy street just putting all her trust in her dog. What courage she had. She wasn't sitting around feeling sorry for herself. Maybe I need to go volunteer on a cancer ward or something.

Also, my mother was widowed at a very young age. She raised my brother and I alone. Did she sit around and cry all the time? Not in front of me. She had a wonderful since of humor and made the best of it.

So what the hell is wrong with me?

[Kris]

Nothing is 'wrong' with you, peri..... you are just like the rest of us...... trying to adjust to the changes in our bodies. you know, i don't want to look 30 again..... or even 40 for that matter. I just want to look and be the best i can be, for my age. (and I do believe 50 is still fairly young!!) It was hard for me to turn fifty. I started not feeling well..... I started feeling like I had just reached the top of the hill... and now I was going "over the hill" it took me a few months to get over the shock of it all. I do believe very strongly in the power of positive thinking, but there are some things happening at this age, inside our bodies, that 'positive thinking' just doesn't help.
You are definately one step ahead of the game with all your exercising!! I know I feel so much better when I do it! i also understand the "bored and restless" feelings. I do have my lab to run, but some days I just don't feel like being there..................... I really don't know what I want. But, those feeling pass. I am now starting to accept the fact that i am 50. Like alot of the woman here...... I still appreciate the way my face looks... it looks like I have had fun and laughed alot! My body is in decent shape and if I am not to critical of myself....... I can "almost" appreciate that too! I am not spending time grieving for my younger self..... I am striving to accept my middle-aged self with grace and humor. This forum, with all the words, of all kinds of interesting women, has helped me look more closely at myself. I realize, that up until now, I have been a mother, a daughter, a wife, a friend, a chemist and hopefully all the things i have tried to be for those around me. I know now that i need to spend much of my time now...... just being me!! ( and a first time grandma as of July 2and!!)

[periwinkle]

Congratulations on becoming a first time grandma! Hope mom and baby are doing well.

Everyone says becoming a grandparent is the greatest thing in the world.

[minniepauz]

Waiting to hear from Kris about the new grandbaby....TODAY!!

[Kris]

YAY!!! I am in St. Louis and my Grandchild ( No one knew what my daughter was having!) was born this morning! A beautiful baby girl! It was amazing being here with my daughter for this experience, watching my child give birth to her own child! I am still 'overwhelmed' with love for this wee human being. She looks just like my daughter did when she was born!! It was incredible!

[kazy68]

Congratulations Kris, what a wonderful experience for you, i hope mother and baby are well.
Sending love and all good wishes to you all
Karen
x

[minniepauz]

CONGRATULATIONS, Kris and the entire family!! You are going to have a lifetime of fun now!!! I have 2 granddaughters and 4 grandsons! I love them all but have a little more fun with the girls!

[Seventeen_At_Heart]

YAY!!! I am in St. Louis and my Grandchild ( No one knew what my daughter was having!) was born this morning! A beautiful baby girl! It was amazing being here with my daughter for this experience, watching my child give birth to her own child! I am still 'overwhelmed' with love for this wee human being. She looks just like my daughter did when she was born!! It was incredible!

working out the time differences, I think you mean Thursday? [I'm on GMT and your post shows as 3:33 am]
just to add, my younger sister was with her daughter that same day who had a baby girl in the evening, so has become a grandmother also...
which makes me a great-aunt which sounds older than grandmother for some reason.
[Am hoping I won't be a grandmother for quite a while as my 2 are 15 and 18]
My sister [younger than me by 5 years] had her first child at 19 and I had my first at 30.

[Kris]

Thank you all for your good wishes!!! I had a hard time tearing myself away to come back to Georgia. It was an amazing experience and a learning one too! I guess for the first time I had to take a step back and not hover over my daughter with all my sage advice. She and her husband had a 'birth plan' they were trying to follow and during hard labor, when her contractions were coming fast and strong..... all I wanted to do was scream out "Someone help my daughter!!" but they wanted a natural childbirth and I tried very hard to respect that, but wow, it was difficult seeing her in that much pain! My daughter is now a mother... and it really is incredible! I find "embracing 50' just a bit easier now!!!!

[marytkelly]

I appreciate this topic.

I'm 53 and have been wrestling with turning 50 since I turned 50.

I'm a therapist whose business is called "challenging transitions". I have a lot of tools at my disposal, I've read A New Earth or World or Planet or whatever it is,and I've used humor a lot to get through this. I still haven't quite accepted it. I'm a spiritual person and start and end my day with gratitude.

But some transitions are harder than others. My mother developed Alzheimer's at 59 and my father was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor at 63. The glass ceiling for mortality in my family is low.

My hormones have been running amok for years. I still get a period and I'm on a hormone patch, progesterone, estrogen, blah blah blah. I meditate, exercise, ride my bike up steep hills, and do yoga.

I have a ridiculously wonderful life.

It boils down to this: I SEEM TO HAVE LOST MY EMOTIONAL FILTER. You know that filter that kind of protects you from things hitting you full blast right in the face type of way. The kind of filter that gives denial a good name? The kind of filter that allows you to read the news without jumping off the nearest cliff.

Some days are easier than others. Today is a very good day. Today is a day where I don't give a rip about being 53...I thankful to be alive. I think of my peers Tim Russert and Tony Snow and know that there is so much to be grateful for.

But these mood swings are unpredictable. So, taking it one day at a time seems to be the best way to go.

Plus, I put a stop on all those AARP mailers that were reminding me of my age on a daily basis!

Mary

[Kris]

Maybe..... Just maybe, it would be easier to "Embrace 50" if we knew then, what we know now! Maybe I just feel frenetic because..... I have finally come into my own...... I really don't care what others think of me, as long as I think I am doing a good job at life........ Maybe I just feel like now that I kinda "Get it" when it comes to living life.......... more than half of my life has been lived already. I feel like I need more time.... to grow my business..... to see my grandbaby grow....... to watch my daughter blossom into a woman and a mother.......... to travel with my husband....... to read more.... Its not really growing older that bothers me... its running out of time, to do all the wonderful things life has to offer. Maybe thats why 50 is so hard to accept. The first 49 years went by so fast, that I hardly noticed it flying by. I really didn't think much about time before, because I took it for granted that there would always be more time. Maybe there is a lesson in this for me. Instead of putting off things that give me pleasure, until a later time..... I need to do them and enjoy it now.