Sensitive topic...sex

[Lilion]

Some of this I posted in my introduction, but that really wasn't the place for it. So I thought I'd come here.

I'm 45, and I really did NOT know this could come on so fast. One minute there were no symptoms at all. I had an endometrial ablation two years ago, so no periods to mess with. Then there were night sweats. Then hot flashes. I was ingnoring those nicely, but then pain during sex. That sent me to the doctor quick and fast, who at first didn't think it was menopause. I'm the one who suggested it when he saw nothing unusual in the pelvic exam. He said, "well, there could be some thinning, we'll do tests." And BOOM - tests say menopause.

Then I noticed dry eyes, general moodiness, tearfullness and tinitus. All in the space of two weeks!!!! The problems with intimacy are the most troublesome. My husband is only 43 and I'm only 45 and we've only been married nine years. I can live with being exhausted and generally feeling terrible, but I am NOT prepared to give up my sex life! With lubricants it is somewhat better, but not what it was and darn it all I went from literally too much lubrication to nothing in the space of a WEEK!!!

Okay...TMI, huh? Sorry. But this is the part that's really scaring me. Frankly, it feels like things just don't stretch like they ought to! Lubrication helps, but it can't "loosen things up" so to speak. I never thought I'd wish my hubby would shrink....

Am I alone in this? It's only been a couple of weeks, so maybe I'm worried prematurely, but I just don't know what to do.

[gorgeousfluffpot]

Lilion, believe me you're not alone. I have dried up too, quite suddenly it seems, and even with a generous dollop of intimate lubricant it still doesn't feel as 'comfortable' and easy as it used to be. Spontaneous sex is out of the question as it hurts me too much and Mr. Gorgeous also feels some discomfort ... it's a shame as it has been one year since I had a period and so, technically, I am in the 'safe zone'. All those years where I thought about the time when we could have sex in the night, on impulse round the back of the bus shelter ... well whatever turns you on .... without having to reach for a jolly-bag (as we call the condoms). I really thought it would be that easy, but I didn't reckon on me drying up like a well in a drought!!! I use a lubricating gel but really have to rub it inside and out. It's not just the inside of the vagina that is dry, it's outside as well and - how can I put it delicately - all that friction can pull your welcome gates around a bit! So I need to put gel in at least ten minutes before penetration as it takes that long to melt and lubricate everywhere.
I don't want to alarm you, every one is different. But you asked for honest opinion and experiences. I've definitely dried up and even though I can feel horny, very very horny, there's no natural lubrication any more. But thank goodness for chemists and at least we can buy a chemical substitute. I, too, feel that my vagina has 'thinned' and is more fragile, it doesn't take too much of a bashing so we've had to vary some positions a bit.
Good luck. I don't know whether this has helped you or depressed you!!! But it's honest, we are all experiencing different things on this site and the advantage is that someone may have a remedy or experience that can help you. But be thankful that you still have a husband (many ladies on this site don't any more) and that you still have a sex life (sex drive can go out of the window). I sometimes think that, with menopause, it's not what symptoms you have, but what symptoms you DON'T have that you should be focussing on as there are some people really going through the wars with their hormones. Your problem, at least for the moment, can be ameliorated with a tube of lubricant.
Good luck.

[Lilion]

Yes, it does help to just know that I'm not alone.

I am very lucky to have a truly wonderful husband. I mean that - he's just perfect, kind, loving, affectionate, a patient and considerate lover on top of being just perfectly compatable with me out of bed as well. Perhaps that's why this is bothering me so much. That and the hormones....Oh believe me, I have all the other symptoms too. I nearly got teary reading your response....that's how emotional I am. But while our marriage has never been one filled with sex, sex, sex...we're more of a once every couple of week couple, as opposed to every night...we more than made up for quantity with quality.

I love my husband more than I can say and while I've had friends who cheated or divorced because their husbands were having ED problems, I've always known that if mine were to suffer some traumatic accident and not be able to "perform" I'd be fine forever with that as long as I still had him...but with the tables turned and me having problems in that area I feel - lost.

I can handle the hot flashes and chills, the gas, the dry skin and dry eyes, the tearfullness, forgetfulness, moodiness and everything else. But it's just killing me that I might never have the same sex life again. It wasn't unusual for us to go three weeks without sex...but with three weeks of occasional, painful sex...I miss it already!

[minniepauz]

This article shows that you aren't alone. Have you talked to your doctor about taking something like Estratest? I'm not sure what stage of all this you're in, but it sounds like you need a tiny bit more testosterone. Dr. Judy will be back next week and will respond, I'm sure.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/03/31/health/31brod.html
A Dip in the Sex Drive, Tied to Menopause
JANE E. BRODY
Published: March 30, 2009
Concern about the safety of hormone replacement has all but obscured one of the most pressing concerns for women of a certain age: the effects of menopause on their sex lives. Many are reluctant to ask their doctors a question uppermost in their minds: “What has happened to my desire for sex and my ability to enjoy it?”

[mimi777]

I dried up about three years after menopause. I started taking Vagifem, and it completely solves the problem. I think it's relatively safe--but I don't want to use lubricants and I have always loved my vagina.

Now for the really tough part: no more orgasms, or if they come, they come not as battalions but as pathetic little blips. Furthermore, the three or four I've had over the past three months have taken at least an hour to achieve! I have heard that one can take progesterone or testosterone or both, locally, as a cream, and they won't be too dangerous. Again, I am a huge hyochondriac, but I am not willing to give up this part of my life--ever!

I eagerly await your advice. And I'm so happy I found this forum--which I just found today from this article I was reading today in the Times and which I can't find on line any more.

Thank you.

[minniepauz]

Glad you made it in!! I want you to post your message to Dr. Judy's section cause she doesn't have time to read the entire board. Thanks for mentioning the article...we got a bunch of new members today I think!

[mimi777]

Lillion: Have you resolved your vagina problems yet? I think I mentioned it in my last post (my brain having forsaken me as well, I can't remember). But Vagifem has completely solved my lubrication problems--and although there's no definite information about it, it seems relatively safe--and as far as I am concerned, worth the risk.

The thing that I need to find out about is what to do with my orgasms, which suddenly flew the coop three months ago. I want them back! I can't imagine living a life without them.

So anyone out there--please advise.

Thanks.

[minniepauz]

mimi...I don't know if there's anything "new" on this page, but you might find something that helps: http://www.menopauseatoz.com/orgasm-aft ... ause.shtml

Also this page seems to have good info: http://www.womanlab.com/english/menopau ... tmen11.htm

Also have you heard of Dr. Laura Berman? She deals specifically with this topic so try
http://www.drlauraberman.com/public/askdrberman.aspx