Embracing "50"

[minniepauz]

Wonderful posts by both of you. I'm wondering now if the reason some women are able to say this is the best time of their lives is because they are now MAKING the time to cherish every moment and TAKING the time to do the things they wished they had done before.

I find that I have given up on things that used to seem so important and doing what I want to do instead of what I thought I HAD to do. I call it a shift in priorities.

Besides that "Menopause is the new Puberty" so what do we have to complain about? LOL

[michuganna]

Kris, you're not alone. This turning-50 lark has really got to me as well, in a way that is difficult to express and also doesn't logically make sense. I put a post on MinniePauz about how I felt about turning 50 and the feelings that it churned up in me. I guess, in a nutshell, some of what I feel is a perception of what society thinks a 50-year-old woman should be (sensible haircut, font of all wisdom, etc.) whereas, in my head, I'm still 20 and wearing my hippie clothes and wondering what I will do when I grow up!! My head hasn't aged at the same rate as my body, hence the conflict. So I have all this stuff I think about in my head (going out, dancing, clubbing, doing the hippie trail across Peru...) and then, when I look in the mirror, a rather dumpy 50 year old face stares back at me. That really sends me into the gloom and doom.
My hormones have recently plummeted me into a major depression and I could sit and cry for no reason. I have nothing to cry about, life is good to me. Cripes, there are real problems in the world and I'm blubbing about where 50 years have gone and how many I have left, and am mourning that I will probably never do that hippie trek nor take a firm-bodied young man to my bed again and I will certainly never see my waistline again!! It's like, as you say, a fog comes down and colours everything grey. But in your 'sane' moments you can see the colours again.
I never thought I would have this reaction to turning 50. My other milestone birthdays (30 and 40) have always felt like I was growing. Whereas 50 felt like the end, like I am now shrinking. Does that make sense?
Dee has counselled me with many wise words on this. I just have this overwhelming feeling that someone needs to shake me hard by the shoulders and tell me to pull myself together, and then I could snap out of it. This depression is the worst part of the menopausal process, to me, so far.

I can totally relate to the feeling of turning 50, it's a weird switch that got turned on in my head, 30 and 40 no big whup, 50 though well that is a whole different ball game. I love this post and the discussion coming forth. I am right now fighting anxiety and panic with some fun health anxiety thrown in for good measure. All of a sudden I think I am vulnerable to all kinds of things. I who never really had health issues to speak of. I have never ever smoked and for all intents and purposes have nothing to complain about. Some new aches and pains, the mood flucuations. Currently, I am debating whether I should take that Prozac pill or manage the anxiety with an occasional xanax. Prozac being cumulative with side effects unknown and xanax which is in and out of the body as needed. These symptoms are only a month or so old, I kind of want to wait and see if they abate or lessen. I know I have to get over my fear of the Dr.s. As fearful as I am it didn't keep me from getting that mammo or going when I had other health concerns. Was I a sniveling basketcase, yes I was, did I live, yes I did. I have to adjust my perception of the aging process and my mortality. I do spend/waste too much time ruminating about the "what if's" and the "OMG". I want to make peace with me in the here and now. I have started walking 30 min almost every day, take Vit D3 1000IU and get 20 minutes of sun each day barring a cloudy day. I want to get out of fear and back into the joy that is all around me. It is hard and I am struggling. I have a cruise coming up this month (a short 5 dayer) with 50 women, I am having a hard time being excited (afraid I will have a random panic/anxiety attack) but I am trying to rewire my thinking. My psyche says I need to go. He is of course the one who gave me the Prozac, he thinks that I have some obsessive thinking tendancies, and he is correct, but can I change that without taking Prozac. I have overcome many obstacles in my life without medication, I'd like to think I can do the same now with the exception of the ocassional xanax. I am just really nervous about starting an AD at this stage of the game. Has anyone had any positive negative experiences with Prozac during Peri? Thanks for letting me vent. I really like this board, I visit another one which makes me feel crazed because most of the woman g-d love em seem like they are falling apart and that just feeds into my fears.

[michuganna]

It seems since I turned 50 years old in January, that I have had alot of women tell me I should be embracing fifty years old...... that there is a calm wisdom about it.... that it is the best time of your life... you worry less... laugh more.... you care less of what people think of you and more of what you think of yourself.... that its liberating ... enlightening and it might be easier now taking 'the road less traveled' than it was in the past. That all sounds so good in theory and I want to embrace it. But how?? I am definately doing something radically wrong...... but what? I seem to worry more now about myself, than ever before. I certainly am to tired to embrace anything right now. For the first time in as long as i can remember, I feel sometimes like I just don't care anymore.... and that scares me. A lot. It is mind boggling that a few crummy hormones can make me feel so blue... so foggy... so... I really 'just don't care' Does this ever just go away?

Your post captures exactly how I am feeling, I turned 50 in December, and these last several months my periods started changing. I actually didn't experience any symptoms until last month and boy oh boy calgon please take me away just until I feel like myself again. I am in the I really don't care mode but I guess I do kinda care at the same time. I have hopes we will come back to ourselves in time. I think 50 just brings us face to face with the aging process and I guess nows as good a times as any to make peace with it. I think our hormonal issues brings some of us face to face with those fears that have been lurking in the background and make us deal with them once and for all.

[minniepauz]

You're spot on about how facing your 50's is better once you acknowledge this is where you are and there's no going back to 30. One other thing I've found out since I'll be 61 in 2 weeks is that the years between 50 and 60 go pretty fast and if you don't get control of your "problem areas" starting at 50, it gets much, much harder at 60!

I'm saying this because I kept putting things off (like exercising) and letting things slide (like eating the wrong things) and now I'm trying to put a stop to my bad habits and damn, it's sooooo much harder! I stopped smoking 4 years ago at 57....that was good, but for the last 4 years I let my weight go by the wayside and now I'm paying the price. For the past 3 weeks I've not had sugar or bread or potatoes, plus I'm exercising 2-3 times a day....10 years ago, I would have lost at least 10-15 lbs by now. I've lost 2-3 lbs.

Don't give up on yourself!! 50 can be invigorating and lots of fun, especially if you take care of yourself for the next 10 years!

[michuganna]

You're spot on about how facing your 50's is better once you acknowledge this is where you are and there's no going back to 30. One other thing I've found out since I'll be 61 in 2 weeks is that the years between 50 and 60 go pretty fast and if you don't get control of your "problem areas" starting at 50, it gets much, much harder at 60!

I'm saying this because I kept putting things off (like exercising) and letting things slide (like eating the wrong things) and now I'm trying to put a stop to my bad habits and damn, it's sooooo much harder! I stopped smoking 4 years ago at 57....that was good, but for the last 4 years I let my weight go by the wayside and now I'm paying the price. For the past 3 weeks I've not had sugar or bread or potatoes, plus I'm exercising 2-3 times a day....10 years ago, I would have lost at least 10-15 lbs by now. I've lost 2-3 lbs.

Don't give up on yourself!! 50 can be invigorating and lots of fun, especially if you take care of yourself for the next 10 years!

Thank you. I agree with you. I have given up simple sugars, donuts, cookies, cakeI am doing my best to understand that some of what I am feeling isn't necessarily reality that alot of it is just my body's response to the changes it is going through. Maybe it just takes a little time to become familiar with all the different ways my body is changing so it won't be so scary to me. I have been one way for 40 give or take years and now I am another, it takes time to adjust and accept. I need to be more cognizant of that and try not to get so frantic and panicked. As I posted in my journal today was the first day I took Prozac, I am uncertain and hesitant to go this route, but, I can always stop taking it if I see no positive affects from it. My mantra is I will choose not to suffer through this journey and will be open to anything that could help. I figure HRT is so controversial that Prozac may be the lesser of two evils (though I can't say I really know one way or the other that HRT is really evil). It seems to all be a crapshoot really in terms of finding the right approach. I thought I would white knuckle through, but, if the last several months is any peek into what I have to manage, I prefer to chase after some kind of quality of life for myself. We each have our own path to follow, whatever works, works.

[Kris]

Morning Ladies! Well... I've been 50 for a little over a year now. I think I have finally ~grown~ into my 50-ish year old skin.... and you know, it's ok! It took me awhile to accept the 'sound' of my age.... and that I can't run circles around the young'ins anymore.... but I am still very productive... work long days.... go out for a margarita or two with my friends..... get checked out occasionally (Granted... they are old farts doing the checkin'.....) but never the less..... I have begun to slide gracefully into the 'next half' with minor kicking and screaming.
The year of turning 50..... I guess I did spend that year trying to find ways to "Embrace 50" and thinking back... it WAS NOT an easy year..... I remember thinking how ECSTATIC I was to put it behind me.
I agree 100% with Dee,,,, in the fact that you cannot waste too much time fretting, as you need to "get it together" to deal with the issues that come with getting older and learn new coping skills. I am going regularly to the gym..... but I had to change things a bit to accomodate all the aches and pains I would feel for days afterwards..... Now, I am not quite so hard on myself..... and that seems to work. I feel a ton better... even though getting started was very hard. Its been almost five months since I quit smoking and I don't think about it much... but when I do.... I WANT TO SMOKE! So... I have learned... just dont think about..... ever.
I am still getting regular periods...... but they have been alittle off. One or two in the past year and a half ... lasted for three weeks...... I seem to get bad cramps again... like I did when I was 16. FUN! This past period i cried about anything I could find to cry about..... hated that! I've yet to get a hot flash... although I do feel over heated sometimes..... I hope I never get them... but I will deal with that when it happens.
I spent so much time time thinking about the way I wanted to live the second half of my life and I decided that "finally" I would live each day as it comes and stop worrying about all the "what if's" and "whens"
I feel good.... I have my beautiful daughter and granddaughter..... Life is not always so great.... but as i have always told my daughter...... "Stuff happens,,,,, misery is optional!" I am the eternal optimist!
Dee... I love you new Avitar...... So pretty!

[cin-d-rella]

Well, I have 6 more months until the big 5-0 and I can relate to every one of the posts about it. So many conflicting feelings....depending on the day, hour, moment.....Sometimes I think it is a good thing, other times I want to put my head in a hole in the ground. Hmmm. Well, we are all in this together and so, might as well try our best to BE our own best friends and be positive; when we can. Raising my glass to all of us gals around this age/stage in life. CHEERS !!!!!!!!

Cin-d-rella. (Wife after widowhood, mother of 2 co-dependant(ish) adult children, Grammie of one 3 1/2 year old grandson).

[minniepauz]

Welcome back to the forum, Cin-d!!! Haven't seen you for awhile. Aren't you loving the "period-free zone"? LOL