New to perimenopause and very sad

For those of you who are just beginning this wonderful process, here we can narrow down the symptoms and ask questions like "am I starting perimenopause?"

New to perimenopause and very sad

Postby susnam » Sun Feb 27, 2005 11:14 am

Well, I was minding my own business and having a nice little life when all of a sudden, out of the blue, I woke up at 3 a.m. sweating profusely. I took off clothes, then more clothes, then got up and walked around, drank cold water, read for awhile. This happened last Sunday.

The next day my heart started fluttering, took my pulse and it was 120. I was also super dizzy, light-headed, and felt like I had no balance. My deoderant didn't seem to work that day and I sweated like crazy and I kept thinking I was smelling somebody else, but it was me!

My ears were ringing and buzzing (tinnitus). I had a headache and no sex drive at all. I was completely disoriented and 'just didn't feel right'.

And, after work that day, I felt a 'gush' as I was getting into my car and I had started bleeding. By the time I got home, I was so exhausted I could barely make it upstairs to bed (crashing fatigue). All of this from 3 a.m. last Sunday to Monday afternoon. Less than 24 hours.

I didn't put all the symptoms together. I had stopped taking a blood pressure pill that affects hormones so I thought that was it.

Oh yeah, and out of the blue I had to pee... often... As soon as I started bleeding, I became constipated. After 4 days of constipation and feeling like I was the most bloated woman, the I got diarrhea and nausea. And, by the way, that was when the bleeding stopped.

I had an appointment already set up for my annual physical with my gyno and when I saw her, she also thought it was the blood pressure pill I had just stop taking. She called me the next day to say that she thinks all my symptoms were due to one thing all right, but not that pill I had stopped taking. She told me, "Welcome to menopause!"

Well, I am 44 years old and my mom went through menopause in her 50's, so when my doctor told me that, I just wanted to die right on the spot.

That was last Thursday. I am still in shock.

I am so sad for a number of reasons. I don't have any kids, and in the back of my mind, even at 44, I kept thinking I was still physically able to have kids.... so now I am thinking that little illusion is over.

The worst part for me is the mental stuff. I thought I was putting the dog in the back yard, but I enclosed her in the living room. I put her food bowl and water bowl in the living room and blocked her off from the rest of the house. All the time I was thinking I was putting her in the backyard like I do *every day*. I don't remember what I was thinking, but when I came home and my sweetie asked me what the &*(&#$ I was doing putting the dog in the living room like that I told him I didn't do it. I didn't remember it. Then when I saw the food and water bowls, I remembered that I had done that. No idea why, didn't mean to, but it happened. That scares me. What else am I doing that I don't know I am doing? That makes me so sad that I did something like that and honestly believed I was doing something different.

Then a friend of mine that I've known 7 years told me that I was 'totally goofy' and absolutely not acting like myself at all. I asked my friend for specifics and instead of getting one or 2 things that I'm doing, I got a long list of 'weird' things I am doing that I never used to do and also things that I am doing that don't make sense to the rest of the world. And I didn't know I had done ANY of the things that my friend listed. If I don't know what I'm doing, that just terrifies me. The sad part of this particular thing is that this friend told me that until I "get it together", that they are going to back off. Personally I say that's not a friend, but the point I am trying to make here is that my personality/mood/thinking/acting has changed so dramatically that a friend that has known me for awhile totally wants to back off.

I have been engaged and yesterday my fiance told me that I have changed so much and I do so many things that don't make sense that he feels he has no choice now but to back off. I asked him how long I've been doing these things that don't make sense and he quoted the dog incident and other stuff that all happened LAST WEEK. So again my point is that I am having a dramatic change, quick and serious. This is off topic but basically I pointed out that I've been great during our 5 years together and it was his craziness to throw it all away because of 1 week. We have other problems, the only point I'm making here again is that during one week I've been so different that even my fiance is putting our wedding plans on hold.

And, I am absolutely terrified because I don't think I'm being any different. I know I feel like I can't think clearly and I know I am dizzy and disoriented, but I didn't think I had changed as much as others are telling me. In one week????

I am just reeling and I can't begin to tell you how depressed I am. I am blown away that I didn't have any symptoms and then all of a sudden, starting one week ago from today I woke up with night sweats and hot flash, got slammed with all those other symptoms, and now friends and family are telling me I've lost my mind.

I knew perimenopause and menopause was coming, but I never expected to get hit over the head with a board. I thought it would be more gradual. Has anybody else heard of perimenopause starting out with such a bang??

I have another doc appointment on Tuesday with my regular doc. She's already run thyroid test and diabetes tests, so we'll see what those show, just to try to rule out anything else that could be causing all this.

When I read the list of 35 menopause symptoms, I was shocked to see how many I have and it explains a lot of the things that have happened to me last week.

I keep trying to think back before last week and the only symptoms I had prior were random headaches, but I've had those before and vivid dreams (not on the symptom list but under another topic), and some ringing in my ears. Basically I feel like everything else hit suddenly and out of the blue.

I'm reading through the list, but I really need some support and encouragement.

Thanks,
Susan
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I forgot to mention

Postby susnam » Sun Feb 27, 2005 11:39 am

I forgot to mention that when my gyno told me, "Welcome to Menopause!" I asked her about hormones to help me with the transition. She replied that she wished she could prescribe a lose dosage estrogen or progesterone, but because of my hypertension (high blood pressure), I was at too high of a stroke or heart attack risk. I have been trying to get my blood pressure under control for about 20 years now and have had many many doctors working on it. I take 6 pills a day for it and I've tried every single drug except minoxodil. I lost weight and exercise whenever I can. Anyway, point being that I'm doing everything I can to help the blood pressure and now my gyno says that the one thing that will help me with perimenopause, hormones, I can't take. :(

WAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaa

Susan
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this is so true

Postby susnam » Sun Feb 27, 2005 11:55 am

Usually I don't place much stock in these things, but my horoscope is so right on, I had to share it. I think it applies to anybody facing perimenopause.

The storm clouds are gathering and you know that something big is on the way. There is little that you can do to stop the energy from going through its motions. In fact, if you can get past your own fear of change, this period can be enlightening. Your feelings widen and deepen, which impacts your close personal relationships.
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Postby Lori » Sun Feb 27, 2005 5:48 pm

Just wanted to give you a *hug* and say you are not alone.

Print this out and give it to your fiance
http://www.minniepauz.com/mensrules.html

I gave it to my husband, though he has yet to read it :roll:
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Postby Guest » Sun Feb 27, 2005 7:59 pm

:) Susnam,

Just hang in there & keep reading up on this & talking about it. And do try to get *good quality human beings* around you who don't bail in a hard time. Do something nice for yourself today, right now.

by now,
yours in peri :P
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Postby Guest » Mon Feb 28, 2005 12:47 am

Susan, you asked the question did anyone else get hit over the head suddenly with perimenopausal symptoms and I'm here to reply YES, did I ever!!!

Like yourself I remember going happily through my life, planning to change careers with a substantial salary increase, I had started exercising and felt good about myself, life was good! Before the brick wall of perimenopause fell suddenly on my head I do remember having symptoms that my ex-ob/gyn attributed to PMDD. I saw her for two years complaining about aches, pains, menstrual irregularities, and what I thought was the beginning of menopause (based upon what a good friend had been telling me).

Well, back to the brick wall...I woke up one night feeling dizzy, disoriented, panicky, hot, and with my blood pressure being about 140/100. Of course this threw me into a state of panic since all my life my blood pressure has been about 106/64. That was in August 2002 and I've had just about every perimenopause symptoms listed, and some not listed. I've had every test done, every blood work completed, seen various doctors from the endocrinologist to the psychiatrist. According to all the test results I'm a very healthy woman.

I'm also taking Microzide for my blood pressure and bcp for the perimenopause symptoms. When I stop taking the Microzide my pressure remains normal, but when I stop taking the bcp my pressure sky rockets. My dr. has told me that she doesn't think I truly have high blood pressure, but I continue to take the low dose Microzide to stop my ankles, feet, and fingers from swelling. Another lovely symptoms that materialized a couple of months before the brick wall incident :o.

Welcome to MinniePauz! I hope that you find the comfort and support that you need to help you through this transition. You are not alone and this too shall pass.
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Postby Guest » Mon Feb 28, 2005 12:48 am

BTW the long post above is from Hopefully.
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Postby drjudy » Mon Feb 28, 2005 10:54 am

Dear Susan,

The abrupt withdrawal of estrogen can cause all sorts of dramatic symptoms. I am glad that you are seeing your regular doctor for a more in depth consideration of all the factors that may contribute to the way you feel right now.

You are not yet in menopause, but perhaps just in the very beginnings of perimenopause. Your hormonal problems may fluctuate a great deal in the coming months and even years, so I agree with all who suggest that you put together a sympathetic and knowledgable team. There may be some special considerations for you about using supplemental hormones to support your mood, your sleep, your daily life, but there is no reason why you should be denied relief, especially since you are at an age where many women still have a full complement of reproductive hormones.

Make sure you are on track with your blood pressure, and that medications used or not used are not contributing to this dramatic change.

While you are considering a new doctor, please consider what a good friend who cares for you would say about the behavior of your fiance. Marriage is for a lifetime, for better and for worse, and perimenopause can be the worst on and off, requiring humor, love, and understanding.

Please let us know what your regular doctor offers you tomorrow as a plan to get you back in balance.

Best wishes,
Judy
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Postby Zetti » Wed Mar 02, 2005 7:56 pm

Hoboy, this sounds familiar.

The first time I heard the *m* word was several yrs ago from a friend who told me I was being really, really irritable. Naturally, I bit her head off.

It's only been the last few mos I learned about the peri adventure. OMG, I so relate to the brain fog, ack.

As for that bf, eeeewwwwwwwww I sure hope he stays gone for good. He doesn't sound like the kinda man I'd want to have around in a crisis. Yuck, how awful but at the same time, probably a huge blessing for you.

I kicked an abusive x to the curb 2 yrs ago and have since found a wonderful, supportive man who not only *tolerates* my bizarre peri behavior, he is sympathetic and offers a lot of help when I am having a bad hormone day.

Hope the icky bf stays gone.


Zetti
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Postby Guest » Tue Mar 15, 2005 10:10 pm

Went to my regular doc and she told me that now my blood glucose levels are off, a random finger stick was 275 and my glycosolated hemoglobin (A1C, measures and average blood glucose control over 2-3 months) put me in the diabetic range.

My cholesterol was high, too. Liver, kidneys, thyroid... everything else normal...

I want to thank everybody here for your support after the brick wall hit me. It's great to know I'm not alone.

I especially appreciate the information about the ex fiance. It's wonderful to know there are caring men out there who don't freak out at the first sign of crabbiness.

Hugs,
Susan
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Postby Zero » Wed Mar 16, 2005 8:27 am

Glad to hear you're feeling better, Susan! You just hang in there with us and we'll all get through it!

If you haven't registered, you might want to do that so your name shows instead of "Guest". :) That way, the more you post, the higher (no, hotter) rating you get! Just a fun way of seeing who's been playing the meno game longer. :oops:

If you ARE registered, then you just need to Log In when you've been away from the board. Just check at the top of the page and if you see your user name there, you're already logged in.
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