MALE MENOPAUSE by Phil Dente What the heck is male menopause, you say? I myself have heard it whispered about, though only in a vague sense, but nothing concrete was ever explained to me, so, being an undaunted fellow, I’m going to put my neck on the line and give you my own definitive view.  Men do go through menopause, but it’s not a physical affliction. I’m not even sure if it’s a mental condition. I would say it more or less reflects the mate’s mental and physical attitude during the actual defined menopausal happening. So for the sake of giving it a more realistic name, I’ll call it WAHOP. WAHOP occurs in men when the mate, who during the day walks around the house donning 2 sweaters, two pair of socks and thick wool sweatpants goes to bed, disrobes, opens up both windows,( one being right above the headboard), kick off the covers, positions a free standing fan (set on the highest setting) to blow the remaining covers and everything else movable off the bed, all the while grumbling about how hot and stuffy it is, and this in mid-February.

( Example Scenario) Wind blowing during one of the worst winter storms of the season as couple retires for the night.
He, "Darling, the snow is coming in the window!" 
She, "So?"
He, "So, it’s getting all over the bed."
She, "So?"
He, "So maybe I should shut the window above the bed?"
She, "Not if you want to live!"
(5 minutes later)
He, "Honey, my head is getting wet and cold."
She, "Put a hat on!"
( 5 minutes later)
He, "Could I maybe pull the covers up a little, I’m actually a little cold?"
She, " Cold? It’s very @# stuffy in here. I wonder if we have another fan somewhere?"
( 5 minutes later) 
He, chattering, " Sweet-h-h-heart, the s-s-now is s-s-starting to b-b-build up on my b-b-body."
She, " Jeez, all you do is complain, maybe you should sleep in the spare room?"
(Next morning at the kitchen table)
She, " Where’d you go last night?"
He, "I slept in the spare room."
She, "Don’t you love me anymore?

(Scenario #2)
Couple getting ready to go out to dinner with friends.
He, " Hon, that’s the fourth outfit you’ve tried on. Can’t make up your mind?"
He thinking to himself, " Oh-oh, why did I say that? That was so dumb, I know what’s coming next, " I need new clothes, I’ve got absolutely nothing to wear."
She, " I need some new clothes, I’ve got absolutely nothing to wear."
He, " That blue outfit you had on looked good."
She, " How can you say it looked good, I looked fat in it."
Silence
She. "Well, didn’t it make me look fat?"
He, thinking to himself. " Now I’ve done it, there’s no escape. If I say it didn’t make her look fat she will tell me I’m just saying that so she doesn’t have to buy a new outfit. If I say she did look fat…on second thought…nah.. no way am I going to say that!"
He, " I don’t think it makes you look fat."
She," You’re just saying that so I don’t have to buy a new outfit."
He, " Alright, we’ll buy you a new outfit tomorrow."
She, " You go, I’m staying home."
He, " What? Why?"
She, " Because I’m fat."

So you see, WAHOP is actually a real condition, suffered by males whose mate is going through menopause. 
There was an old adage that I recall went something like this…" If Momma’s happy.. everybody’s happy."
This old saying obviously never took into account menopausal Mommas, because there is no… (I know I’m going to catch it for saying this).. no pleasing a menopausal woman.
Mother Nature makes for a very challenging lifestyle between the sexes. Colors, outlooks, expectations, emotions; all seen differently, create hard enough conditions
without the menopausal monkey-wrench thrown into the mix, and men (now I know I’m going to catch from my male friends) aren’t very adept at dealing with any of these "non-life threatening situations." 
Actually, males prefer to be concerned over graver matters i.e; football, basketball and baseball scores, automobile sounds, quality of beers, slapstick comedy movies and CNN
news casts.

So, therefore, when menopause rears its "ugly head" ( I read term in a book once and always wanted to us it), men are unwittingly thrown into the WAHOP condition, which, by the way, stands for," What the heck just happened."

Phil Dente
Editor, The Village View
A monthly community newspaper serving the Pocono Mountains of Northeastern Pennsylvania, published and distributed on or before the 15th of each month.

Founded in June 2000 by Patricia and Philip Dente of Canadensis.